6/8/10 Midevening Report: Bernanke speech fails to significantly rally the market, says he'll overpromise more next time
The market was relatively quiet today as there was a lack of macro news though Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was out late Monday saying: "My best guess is that we’ll have a continued recovery, but it won’t feel terrific like a blumpkin from Sara Varone followed by a nice wipe with that oh so soft aloe infused Cottonelle. Instead, it will feel more like having you nut hairs pulled out while listening to the smooth adult contemporary sounds of Sade". Ok, Money McBags made part of that up but that's not the point, the point is, Bernanke is hedging on this recovery like he just bought FAZ in his IRA. While he says the economy won't likely have a double dip recession, he did not say it wouldn't have a single dip recession followed by a falling off the cliff depression, so it's merely a matter of semantics. Bernanke also dusted off his Phillips curve (though it wasn't as curvy as Kimberly Phillips) and added that the central bank would raise rates before the economy returns to full employment, which should be any century now. That's great, but Money McBags would like to know what the full employment rate is? Is it 4%, 6%, or whatever proof the whiskey was that Milton Friedman was drinking when he came up with NAIRU (seriously Milt, you couldn't have come up with a catchier name than the Non-Accelerating Inflation Rate of Unemployment? Really? That name could put Ritalin out of business because just reading it has to make even the most hyperactive person drowsy.)? The point is, the full employment rate is a bogus hurdle as there is no set rate so saying rates will rise before we reach that level is as helpful as saying you'll stop running when you catch the horizon. With the stimulus funds coming to an end over the next few quarters and the economy already starting to show signs of coming down from its stimulus induced bender where it got drunk off of bail outs and hand outs and now finds itself waking up in a pool of its own spending while dry humping Greece's Aegean coast to the sweet whisperings of Benjamin S. Bernanke and and his magical money making machine, the economy is in a precarious position (though not as precarious of a position as Kirstie Alley's girdle).
Internationally, the new government in Hungary has announced a set of austerity measures aimed at solving their debt crisis. The austerity measures include cutting public wages, overhauling the tax system, banning mortgage lending in foreign currencies, and stopping free cookie day at the National Assembly. Also, the European Union's finance ministers met in Luxembourg with the most important outcomes being an agreement to allow tighter oversight on countries suspected of falsifying economic data and an agreement that Ginger Spice was the hottest of the Spice Girls.
In stock news, AAPL introduced a $199 iPhone
which has a front facing camera that should now allow users to masturbate on chatroulette wherever they may be. The new iPhone is slimmer than the previous version, has better picture quality, and doesn't insist on cuddling when you are done with it. In other stock news,..READ MORE...