Dear Wells Fargo,
We've been together a long time. We've been through many ups and downs... mostly downs. During our time together I've felt largely unappreciated. You required much of me without really giving much in return. You had a huge gambling problem that almost took everyone down with you and I had to bail you out. What did I get in return? Two name changes and more requirements of me with still nothing in return. But now you've gone too far. You now expect me to give to you just for the privilege of being with you; never realizing that it was more of a privilege to be with me.
So I'm writing you today to tell you that I've finally decided to leave you. You see I've been cheating on you for a long time with a Credit Union. I love the Credit Union and the Credit Union loves me. The more I give the Credit Union the more the Credit Union gives me back. So I feel I should no longer hold back from the Credit Union by continuing to pretend to be interested in you. So I must say farewell. I don't need you and you treat me like you don't need me.
Finally cutting the dead weight [more]