February 2010
February 26, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: AIG
, PMFG
, RICK
The market is a bit mixed today like the drug cocktail found in Brittany Murphy's stomach. Sales of existing homes dropped for the second consecutive month, this time by 7.2% which is the second largest decline ever and is creating more of a buyers market than the internet did for newspapers. The decline was caused by the government tax credit winding down, the high unemployment rate, and the disappearance of the barter system. Economists actually expected existing home sales to rise so it's good to see they are once again about as good at their predictions as a Stevie Wonder is at being the seeker in a game of hide and seek (or as he calls it "life"). An interesting data point is that 38% of all homes sold were distressed sales. That is a remarkable number. So homeowners, look to the house on your left and look to the house on your right, because on average one of those houses is being foreclosed upon and your new neighbors may be a few tax brackets below you. In more positive macro news, business activity grew more than anticipated and its most since 2005 according to the Chicago Purchasing Managers Index, or as its now more commonly known as: "Fiction." Unless the index was measuring coffee sold while waiting in line at the unemployment office or tickets sold for the proposed Julia Mancuso/Lindsey Vonn catfight (and Money McBags would love to ski down Julia Mancuso's hills), the data is perplexing to say the least. Also, GDP was revised up to 5.9% growth from 5.7% in the last Q. However, most of that growth was a result of inventory restocking. Looking at GDP without the change in private inventories, growth was a He Ping Ping-esque 1.9% and consumer spending was revised down from 2.0% to 1.7%. The point of all of this is that the economy is about as healthy as Mark Sanford's marriage or Money McBags' new found love of Alice Eve so until jobs can be created, we are going to have more and more marginal to disappointing economic news. [more]
February 25, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: PALM.DL
, KO
, SIRI
Greece's debt issues are once again scaring the market like the snake ridden visage of the famous gorgon from ancient Greek mythology known more familiarly as Lady GaGa. Rising debt, a spiraling deficit, and a massive bidding up of CDS by traders betting against Greece has created somewhat of a Foucault current around the Greek islands which is now threatening to pull the entire EU and global economy in with it. Greece hasn't been in such imminent trouble since the Battle of Thermopylae and they can only hope that the bankers whom they used for currency swaps did not run to the other side and push up the price of CDS with their inside knowledge of the obfuscated rising Greek debt and hence betray them like Ephialtes did in that same battle. Moody's is now threatening to downgrade Greece (perhaps to Jamaica, or maybe even Puerto Rico), so the global markets are very skittish today, since we all know how great Moody's is at predicting debt defaults (except when they happened to miss something called the entire global financial system meltdown). As if the Greek issue weren't bad enough, the EU came out today (luckily their parents already knew) and forecast 2010 to be a year of fragile growth, even more fragile than the tears of a newborn unicorn upon learning it is just the figment of someone's imagination. [more]
February 24, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: CTGX
, DLTR
Dizzam, Benny B went in front of the House Financial Services Commitee today and let everyone know that rates will be kept low for a more "extended period" than a menometrorrhagia sufferer. Despite last week's back and forth between Bernanke and his henchman Thomas "T-Ho" Hoenig about the language used by the Fed in their minutes (and Money McBags would vote for Esperanto just to switch things up), Benny B held to his guns and let congress know he isn't going to raise rates until he sees the whites of the recovery's eyes (or the P in their GDP). Bernanke also said he believes the recent uptick in business growth was just an inventory restocking which is exactly what Money McBags has been yelling through the gold-plated window of his ivory tower for the past several months. [more]
February 23, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: LOV
, HD
, EBIX
The market has hit a speed bump today as consumer confidence fell to its lowest level in 10 months. Consumers are now less confident than a slightly overweight 16 year old girl with bad acne and a spastic colon on her first day in a new school. The confidence index dropped to 46, which is below the 56 economists were expecting, and Money McBags has no idea what 46 means but he is confident it is not good in the same way he is confident having one's layfriend say "we need to talk" is also not good. While the consumer confidence index is a forward looking metric (and if you really want to look forward, just tape a picture of Kate Bosworth to your glasses), the measure of present conditions came in at its lowest level in 27 years. Wow. That is not an exaggeration. People are not only finding jobs harder to get, but growth in the job market seems to be more stagnant than Bobby Jindal's political career (and as an aside, Money McBags doesn't give a f*ck about politics because they are all the same person, just a different suit, but has any politician ever had a faster and bigger fall than this Bobby Jindal guy has had without mismanaging a war, getting caught in a crack house, or banging Peggy Eaton? Jeesh, that guy has disappeared so fast he was on the back of my milk carton this morning). Anyway, the point here is that investors are now worried that retail spending will be weaker than expectations with the drop in consumer confidence providing a swift kick to the nuts. In slightly positive macro news, home prices declined but the annual pace of decline slowed from "holy sh*t" to "is it hot in here?" The decline was .2% and was worse than the flat expectations, but only by a rounding error. Interestingly, 15 of the 20 metro areas saw price declines and that sound you just heard was Money McBags throwing up in his mouth. Ugh. The market is now teetering after such a nice totter last week, but that is why this is called an inflection point. [more]
February 22, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: CTGX
, LOW
, SLB
The market is running in place today as it awaits further earnings and macro news later this week. The big M&A news today is that Schlumberger is buying Smith International for $11B, while the big T&A news today is that Rhian Sugden is hot. Schlumberger, which sounds like what is served for lunch in Berlin on the set of scat films in order to best prepare actors for their upcoming scenes, is purchasing Smith to improve their drilling technology. Wow, $11B seems like a lot of dough to get better at drilling when if they really wanted to learn how to drill better they could have just rented a Peter North compilation video for $5 and gone on their way (thanks, I'll be here all week, enjoy the soup). This is the biggest M&A deal of the year so far and with rates as low as they are and only likely to go up (since it's unlikely Bernanke would lower them below zero and thus pervert the entire financial system like Roman Polanksi on the set of High School Musical 4: Who Ordered the Pizza?), Money McBags is betting the M&A market only heats up from here so it is worth looking at small take-out candidates (like KITD or Meredith Eaton). [more]
February 19, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: DELL
, HIL
, JOEZ
The market hung in there today despite Ben Bernanke's surprising discount rate raise after the market closed yesterday. Bernanke continues to think outside of the box in managing the economy (and as long as it isn't Hannah Hilton's box, then Money McBags is fully on board because one should only think inside her box, never outside of it). There is no telling what Bernanke will do next as a Federal Reserve Chairman hasn't done anything as radical as he has since Marriner S. Eccles wore black shoes with a brown belt one day back in 1937. Money McBags is all in favor of the proactivity of the Fed and anxiously awaits their next move, whether it be reducing their balance sheet, paying interest on bank loans, or having the head of the Cleveland branch of the Fed, Sandra Pianalto, man the kissing booth at the Fed's next holiday party (what, you'd prefer Janet Yellen?). [more]
February 18, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: WILC
, WMT
Aw sh*t, it is now on like donkey kong as the Fed is getting serious about some sh*t. This ain't your Greenspan pushover, lolligagging, lobster tails and blow jobs for everyone, bubble creating Federal Reserve. No siree, this Bernanke guy is a straight up pimp and will b*tch slap the market back to reality and remind them not to take daddy's money before they get too uppity on him. With the markets running off of a 3 day orgy filled with earnings, mediocre economic news, and a potential bailout to get the EU out of the greek headlock in which they have been painfully trapped, Bernanke had had enough. We all remember when the fed minutes were released yesterday and one of Bernanke's henchman, T-Ho (Fed Reserve of KC bank president Thomas Hoenig) started to warn Ben about getting high off his own supply by keeping rates too low. Well Benny B took that to heart and after the market closed he took out his pimp hand and smacked the sh*t out of the market by surprisingly raising the discount rate to 75bps while yelling "That's right market, don't forget, I'm you're daddy. Come on, say it. Who's your daddy? Let me hear it. You know you want it tight in the discount window." This is the first time the rate has been increased in three years and will likely halt the market's rally tomorrow. [more]
February 17, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: RICK
, WFM
The market was up today like a hooker's skirt in Tiger Wood's SUV. The rally was driven by earnings, earnings, earnings and some macro data. Apparently people are still building houses as housing starts hit their 6-month high, rising 2.8% to an annual rate of 591k. This marginally beat expectations and should be a good sign for the economy, even if half of the houses were built from legos and the other half have already been forelcosed on. In other macro news, the Fed announced that industrial output grew .9% which also beat expectations with capacity utilization coming in at 72%, 8% below the average from the last 37 years. So there is still room for the economy to rebound and thus produce more of those delightful "For Sale" signs to go in front yards, printers to print out resumes, and muzzles to put over Lady Gaga's face. Also, import prices rose by 1.4% signalling inflation may be on the way (and for those of you who need a less subtle signal: INFLATION IS COMING!! And Ben Bernanke is going to have to make inflation think long and hard about baseball for him to try to stop it from coming). Many analysts were unphased by the rise in import prices claiming oil and natural gas drove up prices, so I guess it's good we don't rely on those fuels at all or else we might have to worry a bit more about the dollar. Phew. [more]
February 12, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: EHTH
, BRK
It's a travel day for Money McBags so we'll get to the market news early. The big story which should give pause to the market (and by pause, I mean send it into a bit of a downward hissy fit like someone at Fox News after trying to spell USA without a teleprompter) is that China is raising their bank reserve requirement once again in order to put a damper on growth. China has been fueling the global recovery as they not only provide cheap, flimsy, and lead ridden goods for the world, but they are growing internally faster than a metastasizing anal fissure. This is the second time in month China is raising this reserve rate in their attempt to show the world that they are not f*cking around and will try to avoid Greenspan's folly. [more]
February 11, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: PEP
, EBIX
The Greek debt crisis in Europe is still causing uncertainty in the markets as the leaders of the EU gave a tepid, vague, and Spicoli-ian response to their discussions and plans to bailout the Greeks. The president of the EU, some guy named Jose Barroso who also doubles as the Prime Minister of some place called Portugal where he is said to survive off of the magic lillies from the river Tejo opined: “There is an accord." He then went on to give a little more detail by saying: "it's a Honda Accord, but still it's an accord. Oh I keed I keed. We have a great accord, for me to poop on" as apparently Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is big in Portugal these days. German Chancellor Angela Merkel then said: “Greece won’t be left alone but there are rules and these rules must be adhered to. On this basis we will agree on a statement.” Of course the rules are that Greece has to drastically cut its spending, increase many of its taxes, and be home before 9pm, but the good news is that the leaders of the EU have finally agreed on a statement. So whoop-de-dam-doo, we have a statement. Unfortunately Money McBags has yet to find that statement anywhere and unless the statement is "we're bailing out Greece, now pass the saganaki," it is unclear what has actually been accomplished despite Herman Von Rompuy claiming that the EU will provide "determined and coordinated action if needed." That's great to know, really, but if you could provide that action BEFORE THE F*CKING EU IMPLODES, that would be much appreciated. You know Mr. Von Rompuy, if that's even your real name, the rest of the world is trying to run an economic recovery here so could you stop pussyfooting around (unless it's your foot and Abbey Lee's p*ssy, then please take your time) and lend the Greeks some f*cking money already. Jeesh. I haven't seen a supposed plan with fewer details since Hank Paulson scribbled his TARP strategy on the back of a napkin using only ketchup packets and Alan Greenspan's tears. The EU leaders are being so vague they are making Sorities paradox look easier to reach a conclusion about than Sarah Jessica Parker's gender (trick question, because she's a tranny). [more]
February 10, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: NYT
, GOOG
The big news moving the market down today was the statement from Ben Bernanke about the FED's future policy plans. Bernanke was supposed to testify in front of the House Financial Services Committee but the snow storm in Washington caused the hearing to be postponed giving Barney Frank more time to make snow angels and less time to suck at his job. Bernanke did release his full statement which serves to make Crime and Punishment read like a f*cking Dr. Seuss book (I will kill her with an axe, I will kill her with hot wax. It will be an act of enormous enormance! No rational performer's performed this performance!). I'm not saying it was boring to read, but Ambien is said to be suing Bernanke's statement for patent infringement. However, since Money McBags is here to serve the people, he made it through the whole statement and can sum it up in fourteen words: "We did a bunch of sh*t, now we are going to try other sh*t." The important parts are that eventually rates will rise (duh), though not in the immediate future, and in the meantime, the FED will investigate other ways to control interest rates and bank lending, such as paying banks interest on reserve balances held at the FED. Below are Bernanke's actual words on this (no jokes, real information): [more]
February 09, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: MCD
, TMRK
The market is up strongly this morning after EU Bank president Jean-Claude Trichet decided to leave Australia where he was attending the Reserve Bank of Australia’s 50th Anniversary Symposium which was a party likely as raucous as a staring contest between Bea Arthur and JD Salinger (mainly because they're both dead). Even so, we are told things got a little out of control when the bankers let their toupees down and played a little game of "name your favorite currency" with Vietnam's Dong easily winning out even if it is not as big as the other currencies. Trichet flew back to Europe where he was invited to a summit of European leaders called by the deligthfully named Herman Van Rompuy (and Money McBags is calling bs on this whole thing because no one is named Herman Van Rompuy). This is leading to speculation that the EU has a plan to bail out Greece, and Portugal, and Spain, and maybe Italy, and then maybe even Freedonia (where time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana). As one analyst said: “The markets are smelling a deal for Greece, and for that reason, we’re seeing some stabilization." Of course, that smell could actually be Greece and not a deal for Greece but Money McBags remains optimistic because as he has been saying all along, the Euro is not going away, it's just not. Now it's unclear how the EU plans to deal with the struggling countries, whether it's a good old fasion bail out, some kind of debt guarantee, or a lifetime ban on Nia Vardalos movies, but help is on the way. [more]
February 08, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: WGO
, GOOG
The market opened down again before bouncing back a bit as people are more worried about Europe's debt problems than they are about global warming, health care spending, and that thing on Drew Brees' face. The President of the EU's Central Bank, Jean Claude Trichet (and it must be pointed out that his name is an anagram for "tend rich ejaculate," which is exactly what he is doing by tending to the crisis caused by an overspending splooge filled orgy by the already rich European bankers), is steadfast that Europe's debt problems are not an issue and budgets can be cut but he has as much sway on how Europe's countries operate as James Polk did over the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo (Shout out to Nicholas Trist. Word word). The point is Monsieur Trichet can recommend whatever he wants and can publicly fellate Greece/Portugal/the whole Iberian Peninsula until he is blue in the face (pun completely intended), but it will likely come down to the countries of the EU acting in unison to bail out a country (or several) which are irrelevant to them. The EU is the ultimate free rider system for small countries like Greece to continually take risks since there are no real political repercussions as the rest of the EU has exactly zero votes in any Greek election or Greek policy. So when Monsieur Trichet said over the weekend when being asked questions about Greece: "I doubt that, in a press conference, Ben Bernanke would have a question on Alaska or Massachusetts," that was a completely bogus, non-sensical, and irrelevant remark because Bernanke/the US Federal Government could absolutely f*ck with Alaska or Massachusetts while all the EU can really do to Greece is tell them their kabobs were a little dry and to "maybe not suck so much at managing your budet." Any other line of action could potentially lead to a complete disbanding of the EU and that would be about as helpful to the global economy as Mr. Horton was helpul to Arnold and Dudley in picking out bikes in that very special Diff'rent Strokes. The problem is that the EU may simply prove to be pareto inefficient, like lesbian porn where somehow adding a money shot would make everyone better off. [more]
February 05, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: TSYS
The market is down again today as Europe's sovereign debt problem keeps rearing it's ugly head like Mayim Bialik on the ABC Family network. The big news in the US markets is that the unemployment rate fell to a measly 9.7% (though if you include people who stopped looking for work and those working part time, it was 16.5%, but that is just a minor detail, like needing to keep your eyes on the road when you drive or not crossing the streams). The economy lost 20k jobs in January while totals for November were revised up by 60k (to 64k jobs created) and the totals for December were revised down by 65k (to 150k jobs lost, or as they say on the streets, a "f*ckload"). While the revised numbers essentially cancel each other out, it does leave us wondering if any of these numbers are reliable at all, like the brakes on that shiny new Prius you just bought. Money McBags will wager Alan Geenspan's credibility and Eliot Spitzer's dignity (and since both of those are non-existent, it may be a bit of a sucker's bet) that the 20k number released today is not within 20k of the actual revised number to come out in two months when no one will really care. The point is, people are not working regardless of what made up number Hilda Solis and her No-Labor Department release. [more]
February 04, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: JOEZ
, TSYS
, CSCO
Tim-motherf*cking-ber. The market is nosediving today like a Biggest Loser contestant going after the last gravy covered deep fried twinkie at an all you can eat "stuff that's bad" for you bar (and no offense to you weight-challenged people out there, but did you really need to go on a TV show to figure out you need to eat a fricking salad every once in a while? I mean for f*sake, it's not like you need to decipher M-Theory or particle physics, you just need to stop eating crap and walk a little. Jeesh.) Driving the market down is what we here at When Genius Prevailed call serial unemployment (as opposed to Quisp's cereal unemployment, which we hear has caused Quisp to resort to tickling Franken's berries to pay the rent). New claims for unemployment came out and they were higher than last week and above analyst estimates. Claims rose 8k to 480k while expectations were for a drop to 460k. 10MM people continue to receive unemployment benefits or extended benefits and to give you an idea of how large of a group that is, it is is roughly equivalent to the population of Portugal, Belgium, or people who will show someone their t*ts on Bourbon Street should the Saints win the Super Bowl (and Money McBags fully supports Saints fans). So the economy may be getting a bit better but as long as there are so many displaced workers, full recovery will be difficult (to put it mildly) which is why the S&P is probably a wee bit overvalued, like long walks on the beach, Alan Greenspan, or Michael Chabon novels. Alternatively, labor productivity increased in January above analyst estimates as those with jobs have to work a f*ckload harder to keep them (so instead of slacking off and looking at Miranda Kerr pictures for 6 hours a day like workers in a healthy economy like Australia, US worker now only slack off for 4 hours a day and are forced to look at internet pictures of Shirley Hemphill). Also positive news is out today on factory orders which gained again in December as businesses build back and try to maintain inventory. [more]
February 03, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: CKSW
, HDIX.DL
The market is mostly lower today despite some moderately postive macro reports (moderately positive in the way that learning you have syphilis is moderately more positive than learning you have nut cancer). The ISM said the service industry expanded in January for the first time in three months, which may be one reason RICK is bouncing back today since they provide the type of service into which all industries should be expanding. While the ISM's index for the service industry rose to a whopping 50.5 (and again, for those of you playing at home, anything above 50 signals growth, so 50.5 signals about as much growth as Ben Bernanke's cranium follicles), it was slightly below analyst estimates. Also, ADP came out with their job data for January showing only 22k jobs had been cut which was inline with forecasts and the smallest drop in two years which is good news for everyone but those 22k people who lost their jobs or the 15MM or 20MM (what's 5MM among friends) people who remain unemployed. [more]
February 02, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: ARTG.DL
, TSYS
, COOL
The market is bouncing back today even though it is a relatively quiet day news wise (though not as quiet as a Lindsay Lohan straight to video movie premier or a Trappist monk game of hide and seek). Pending home sales in the US rose 1% after falling 16% last month thanks to renewed tax credits and something called math. Sure the 1% rise is good, but it is still down 15% from October, so let's not break open the bottles of Dom and tins of beluga just yet. The biggest problem with home sales is that frictional unemployment has dropped the frictional and is just plain old unemployment. People are no longer moving between jobs and thus moving to new houses because, to close the transitive logic, there are no jobs. Also, Paul Volcker is supposed to testify in front of the Senate Banking Committee today where the 82 year old will rant about proprietary trading at banks, how he used to walk 2 miles up hill both ways to get to school, and then wonder why none of the dames look like Clara Bow anymore. The banking industry awaits Lord Volcker's testimony like a necrophiliac awaits the cremation of a loved one. [more]
February 01, 2010 –
|
RELATED TICKERS: ARTG.DL
, ISYS.DL
Obama's budget is out and it looks like more stimulus is coming as the administration continues to try to sweep the recession under the rug (though I hear it is a delightful afgahn this time as Mrs. Obama has uncomparable taste). The budget is roughly $3.8T which is equivalent to 190MM lap dances or as it is known in the NFL, "Wednesday." Who knows, spending our way out of this recession may work, as I have found that spending my way out of depressions by dropping $20 bills like they're unpinned hand grenades (which is fast, furious, and with immaculate precision) at my local Rick's cabaret, is a suitable remedy. Basically, the new budget is attempting to buy more time for the economy to recover on its own while channeling its inner Keynes and hoping the multiplier on GDP is somewhere near 1 billion. Given the exponential pace of technological innovation and Keynes' logically thought out and unprovable equations (like all of economics with its oh so idealisitic goals which never work in the complexity of the real world, like a contractor with no competition or anything made in China) it is possible it could work. The only problem is it gives investors more mixed signals than an indecisive three year old with tourettes. Q4 GDP seemed decent, but it was driven largely by stimulus spend so it is hard to gauge if the economy really did improve (Money McBags maintains that inventories were just being built back up and may have even overshot their targets since consumer spend was stimulus driven). Of course, to pay for the new stimulus, taxes will go up on the evil banks who we bailed out who continue to get money for free, big businesses, oil, gas and coal producers, people who make more than $250k, and Gabe Kaplan. But fear not because the budget does contain a plan to trim future deficits to give or take $1T (that is unless things remain bad) so Keynesians can still rejoice that in either case the US will still owe a f*ckload of money. [more]
RSS Headlines
Fool UK