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January 2009



Alstry??? Say it ain’t so…

January 31, 2009 – Comments (28) | RELATED TICKERS: MRB

In the horse race of the blogging world, Alstry will soon be the winner of the “coveted” title Most Recommended Blogger (MRB). Honestly, I thought TheHypnoToad was gonna beat him to it, but his Great Toadness just hasn’t been on his game recently.  [more]



A Round of Applause for UNCLE SAM!

January 30, 2009 – Comments (22) | RELATED TICKERS: STE , A , L

The US government wants to play a little game with us, and frankly I am excited about cause I love games, especially baseball.   [more]



I Am So PI$$ED that Even I Can’t Joke

January 29, 2009 – Comments (78) | RELATED TICKERS: MBOT , UL , ATE.DL

I try to be funny in my blogs, and I try to be relevant. My theory is that I will reach more people if I don’t simply rant, but instead, prove my point with a humorous story or at least a sprinkling of witty one-liners (I hope they are witty). Because I honestly don’t know how funny I am, and I doubt anyone really does. In the world of humor you are only as good as your last joke.   [more]




January 27, 2009 – Comments (15) | RELATED TICKERS: LOW , HD

President Obama laid out plans today for 100% US Employment by the end of this month. Environmentalists (who we all know SUCK) were outraged at his last proposal to pave over the Grand Canyon.   [more]



Environmentalists SUCK (a humorous rant)

January 27, 2009 – Comments (20) | RELATED TICKERS: ACIIQ , GM , XOM

As you all know the President has been hard at work trying to sell his “green agenda” along with his “stimulus” plan to house and senate republicans. It will pass without them (as with all giant turds of legislation that promise to remove the constipation in the credit markets), but nevertheless President O is at least trying to reach across the aisle (which is a really gay sounding expression). Many Republicans (Big R) will not vote for it because it will not have enough pork for them. Some are actually principled enough to vote it down strictly based on constitutionality (cough* Ron Paul cough*).  [more]




January 22, 2009 – Comments (10) | RELATED TICKERS: V , SPY

Take out as many loans as you can. If you can’t get loans, then get credit cards (lots and lots of credit cards). Amass as much debt as you possibly can.   [more]



DaretothREdux says, “A Rose By Any Other Name…

January 21, 2009 – Comments (11) | RELATED TICKERS: CHA , INS

Would still smell as sweet,” and shite by any other name still stinks!   [more]



Bernard Madoff for Secretary of the Treasury

January 20, 2009 – Comments (6) | RELATED TICKERS: MAD.DL2 , OFF

Times are tough these days. For the last thirty seven years has successfully debased its currency with inflation and created massive amounts of wealth from nothing. And by nothing I mean paper backed by…nothing. The trick though as any economist will tell you is that Debt is Money.   [more]



Rob from Rich to Hurt the Poor!

January 13, 2009 – Comments (18) | RELATED TICKERS: MSFT , HP , ATVI




What Would YOU DO With a CHECK for $28,333USD?

January 10, 2009 – Comments (19) | RELATED TICKERS: BA , L

If the government makes good on all its current promises, then that is what you could have had, but not just you, you and every single man, woman, and child (down to the newest newborn!).  [more]




January 09, 2009 – Comments (108) | RELATED TICKERS: SOC.DL2

Give me one example. One single successful incident of a government, any government, injecting massive amounts of stolen money (I mean tax dollars) into anything (infrastructure or otherwise) and the overall outcome was economic GROWTH.    [more]



Who Wants MONEY? Will Print For Free!

January 08, 2009 – Comments (10) | RELATED TICKERS: UDN , UUP

Fellow Fools! I have given up on the market. It’s up, it’s down, it’s sideways, forward/backward, whatever. I have a new solution. A way to beat the market to market every time. The printing press.  [more]




January 07, 2009 – Comments (14) | RELATED TICKERS: DXO.DL.DL2 , OIL

Absolutely nothing? Not quite. War in fact seems to be the reason we go out of The Great Depression (Part 1). At least, that is the common wisdom taught to the masses in elementary schools. Sure, ignore the fact that the market didn’t actually rebound until after the war was over and factories were allowed to go back to making what they wanted to make again.  [more]



DaretothREdux: A Poem of Identity

January 07, 2009 – Comments (19) | RELATED TICKERS: ME.DL2

Strictly stated: I am a satirist.   [more]



Infrastructure: The Obama Plan/The Ultimate Stimulus

January 06, 2009 – Comments (15) | RELATED TICKERS: CX , RMX.DL2 , USLM

Since he stated running for president, the now President Elect Barak Obama, has promised to create new jobs. Unfortunately, he is not a wizard, and has never been to Hogwarts, so he can’t simply wave his magic wand and speak the magic job creation word “explainmastimulus” Originally, the plan was for 2 million new jobs in 2009, but since we lost more jobs than that in 2008, he upped his goal to 2.5 million. But wait! The economy has continued to struggle and now the Prez-Elect settled on a new number. Since education is going to be important to the new President (cause no other president ever promised that…) he did some basic math. He took the 2 and the 5 from his 2.5 million job promise and subtracted the 2 from the 5 and decided that he should create 3 million jobs.  [more]



Siriusly, It’s Time To Stop!

January 02, 2009 – Comments (10) | RELATED TICKERS: SIRI , AIG , GM

Sirius Satellite Radio might be saved after all! This is good news for all the Fools who lost (often ridiculous amounts) of money on that stock that we all love to hate. Today, the treasury announced* that the use of TARP money is being expanded to include “any company they deem important to making or financing cars.” Which means…SIRUIS CAN GET A BAILOUT! (Rick Aristotle Munarriz can be heard cheering the in background!)  [more]



Alstry’s Solution to the Economic Crisis: A Manifesto of Alstryinomics

January 01, 2009 – Comments (10) | RELATED TICKERS: A , L , TRY

Rise fellow doom and gloomers!* Gather your beers, your kegs, your cigarettes or dope or whatever your preference. Alstry prefers women and alcohol but is in no way prejudice against dopers or potheads. Follow Alstry! We are going to an undisclosed location (the Arizona desert) where we will succeed from the Union with a crate full of depleted uranium…every knows that’s the real currency of the world…**  [more]

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