Absurdist Market Weekly
She lived under a shoe and I smelled feet the size of the world. Feet that drifted 400 miles under the sea like magical houses with sheets of paper on a sail boat that had sprung a leak. A snail pulled them out of the murky depths. Roger from Overland Park, Kansas asks, "how is this possible"? Like some obscure referenced in a post-rock album, I responded, "printing presses make the world go 'round." The people came and they cheered on as their cautious optimism was temporarily restored.
I noticed her on a tan overlook in South Beach. She drills holes in a Volkswagen hoping to win big rewards, but German engineering rues the day. OCH ZIFF! OCH ZIFF! Don't tell me you got burned, too, my beloved. I saw you teetering on the edge. I thought you would jump, which is why I hated to break you the news. I will miss you, my darling. The doctor says you only have 3 days to live.
The highway opened up, but the speed limit reads 45 in the construction zone. $500 fines taste like Belgian mayonnaise dipped in bright, cheery fecal matter that I gobble down like chocolate. I haven't passed through here before, but I'll go slow this time. And maybe next time, too. Once the coast is clear, maybe I'll hit 60. Then 70. My Von Neumann machine travels half the speed of light. It's ironic, isn't it?
Have you ever had a dream at night? Once I was the largest daedra in the field and I planted myself firmly between the neverending sea of corn. I accidentally got turned into ethanol before declaring bankruptcy. John McCain endorsed me the other day, but I think he just wants me for my electoral votes. The Baron of Texas is so dreamy and he emits clean burning natural gas. My ride is electric. The farmers will not be happy. King Petro will be back.
Structural towers are endlessly amusing when you can see angry governors banging on the walls. Those who will rise again do not like your paper any more. They own a lot of it and they claim you are cheating on them. It's too bad --- maybe we can be just friends. I've got bills to pay.