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starbucks4ever (98.98)

Ah, that sweet word "mandatory"!

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September 10, 2009 – Comments (8)

Bushama on why mandatory Starbucks attendance is necessary, and even beneficial to society:

"Now, even if we provide these affordable lattes, there may be those -- especially the young and the healthy -- who still want to take the risk and go without coffee. There may still be companies that refuse to do right by their workers by giving them Starbucks membership cards. The problem is, such irresponsible behavior costs all the rest of us money. If there are affordable lattes and people still don't sign up for a drink, it means we pay for these people's drowsiness at work. If some businesses don't provide workers membership cards, it forces the rest of us to pick up the tab when their workers get fatigue symptoms, and gives those businesses an unfair advantage over their competitors. And unless everybody does their part, many of the drinking reforms we seek -- especially requiring coffee companies to provide multiple refills -- just can't be achieved. 

And that's why under my plan, individuals will be required to carry basic Strabucks membership cards -- just as most states require you to carry auto insurance. (Applause.) Likewise -- likewise, businesses will be required to either offer their workers membership cards, or chip in to help cover the cost of their workers. There will be a hardship waiver for those individuals who still can't afford a venti-sized drink, and 95 percent of all small businesses, because of their size and narrow profit margin, would be exempt from these requirements. (Applause.) But we can't have large businesses and individuals who can afford latte game the system by avoiding responsibility to themselves or their employees. Improving our cafe system only works if everybody does their part.

Small print: my party's sponsors own shares in SBUX." 

*** 

All names mentioned in this piece should be regarded as a product of the author's imagination. Any possible coincidences or resemblances to real persons are purely accidental.

8 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On September 10, 2009 at 6:50 PM, bridgeboy0 (75.59) wrote:

Nice!

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#2) On September 10, 2009 at 7:07 PM, whereaminow (42.76) wrote:

LOL, brilliant!

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#3) On September 10, 2009 at 7:17 PM, 100ozRound (29.70) wrote:

You lie!

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#4) On September 10, 2009 at 7:19 PM, starbucks4ever (98.98) wrote:

:)

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#5) On September 10, 2009 at 7:28 PM, DaretothREdux (49.28) wrote:

Did you write this or did I? I must have been asleep at the wheel to let you beat me to this one!

Bravo! (applause) Brilliant! Love it. Seriously.

+1

Dare

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#6) On September 11, 2009 at 10:46 AM, lemoneater (79.38) wrote:

That isn't fair! I don't want mandatory Starbucks membership. I prefer Leopard Forest coffee with its wonderful mellow flavor.  http://www.leopardforestcoffee.com/. When I do go to Starbucks with friends, I want it to be my choice! 

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#7) On September 11, 2009 at 11:27 AM, outoffocus (23.59) wrote:

But what If I choose to actually get a good night's sleep so I'm not tired in the first place. Do I still get fined for not drinking coffee?  What If I decided to drink herbal tea instead?

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#8) On September 11, 2009 at 12:01 PM, Rehydrogenated (32.56) wrote:

Will illegal immigrants get free coffee? Cause the last thing we need is more South American's drinking all the coffee we bought from them for free.

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