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Dr. Evil And The King Of The Dwarves Threathen The EU!

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April 21, 2010 – Comments (11)

Dr. Evil And The King Of The Dwarves Threathen The EU!

 

Rumor Mill News Agency and Taxidermy School

By: Cato, Monkey with Keyboard  

 

His Highness, Baddar Thranaald, King of the Dwarves of Iceland, has announced that he will cause a volcanic explosion tens times that of Dr. Evil’s if the European Union does not pay €50 billion in precious jewels and metals by sunrise, Saturday, April 24, 2010. “For far too long we have let you humans take from us what you will because we were weak. Now we have the upper hand! Pay us or say bye-bye to your precious flying machines.” said King Thranaald in a prepared statement.  When asked for a comment about the known plans of Dr. Evil, King Thrannald said “He is a ninny. You don’t send in a human to do a dwarf’s job. Only a dwarf can blow up a mountain properly.”  

In a letter emailed to the press by Dr. Evil let it be known, “… and I have a lightening machine! It’s a big one, too. It was built by Zeus’s nephew. Where is Baddar’s lightening machine? Have you seen it? No! Because he does not have one! If he tries to tell you he’ll unleash the Balrog, and it is just as scary as a lightening machine, don’t believe the hype...”

  In press conference European Union President Von Rompuy looked haggard and a possibly medicated. He stood, looking bewildered at the gathered members of the press and said “What the heck is going on? This deal with Iceland has turned into a bad ‘Austin Powers/Hell Boy/Lord of the Rings/Comic Con convention gone wild. Nuke’em from space I tell you! Nuke’em! I need a vacation.’“ He then left the podium, shouted something about sleeping pills and global warming as he left the room. Secretary General of The European Union, Catherine Day, then took the podium. She began to speak, “The past week has been difficult, hell, the last three years have been awful when you look at all that has happened. Normally we faced with deranged government leaders we just let then do what they want, killing millions of  citizens, while waiting for them to run out of steam or for the population to have enough and turn against them. That was the course of action we had decided upon before the new threat was issued by King Thranaald. When mythological creatures present themselves as a danger we are forced to act. We are currently scavenging all the cobalt we can for Dr. Evil and as I speak we are crating all the Nazi treasure the Swiss has denied holding for over half a century in preparation for paying off the dwarves. I can not promise payment in full, but we’ll do the best we can.”  

11 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On April 21, 2010 at 3:20 PM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

This is the last of my poorly written, typo filled pieces on this subject.

*Help. I'm being held against my will by Icelandic dwarves and fairies*

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#2) On April 21, 2010 at 4:24 PM, lemoneater (70.30) wrote:

I've enjoyed your sagas.

I just wish Dr. Evil would give up my sister-in-law's wedding dress which he has impounded!

 

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#3) On April 21, 2010 at 4:31 PM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

Lemon,

I'm glad you have enjoyed reading them. I could have used the time spent writing them for a better purpose (like work!) but felt compelled to goof off. I hope you and your husband are doing well and enjoying the new studio space.

Cato

P.S. - Dr. Evil feels pretty while wearing your sister's wedding dress. 

 

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#4) On April 21, 2010 at 4:35 PM, TMFLomax (43.99) wrote:

This is great! (Except for lemoneater's sister-in-law's dress being held captive, that isn't cool at all!)

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#5) On April 21, 2010 at 6:59 PM, kdakota630 (29.61) wrote:

catoismymotor

I'm not sure how long ago it was, but in someone's blog we were conversing about The Fair Tax, and I think I made some comment about if you of any place in Canada that someone was trying to implement it here as I couldn't find any evidence of it.  Something along those lines.

Well, I'm subscribed to a newsletter from the Canadian Taxpayers Federation, and I got one from them today, so I thought I would take the opportunity to ask them their stance on the subject.  I e-mailed the Federal/Ontario Director, Kevin Gaudet, his thoughts on The Fair Tax, and this is what he wrote back to me:

I honestly don't know what you are referring to.

Seriously, WTF!?!

(Hope I didn't hijack your blog too badly.)

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#6) On April 21, 2010 at 11:36 PM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

kdakota630,

I remember that. And WTF, indeed! Please refer him to www.fairtax.org. I think the Fair Tax would work beautifully in Canada as it would here. 

Thank you for following up. I appreciate it. Please keep me in the loop. 

Cato

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#7) On April 22, 2010 at 4:07 AM, ralphmachio (27.53) wrote:

The swiss gave up the Nazi Gold to Jews, whereas the Vatican Bank never gave any back. Just a little fact intermingled with the fantasy...

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#8) On April 22, 2010 at 9:45 AM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

I just compiled all three installments for a posting on Facebook. Most of my FB friends are clueless about what is going on with the global financial crisis. It should be interesting to read the reactions I get.

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#9) On April 22, 2010 at 10:14 AM, kdakota630 (29.61) wrote:

catoismymotor

The idea that the head guy for a Taxpayer Federation wouldn't know about what is probably the leading alternative taxation system is, to me, mindboggling.

As soon as I got his "huh" reply, I sent him a link to the Fair Tax website, The Fair Tax on Wikipedia, The Fair Tax book on Wikipedia, and a link to the book on Amazon.ca.  No reply yet, and to be honest, I'll be surprised if I get one.

They do some good work, but I can't help but feel overwhelmingly disappointed with them.

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#10) On April 22, 2010 at 11:17 AM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

kdakota630,

It does sound fishy to me. Maybe he is feigning ignorance because the CTF does not wish to discuss non Canadian ideas? I think you did a good thing by forwarding him those links. You may hear back from him if he is a gracious and wise individual.

Cato

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#11) On April 22, 2010 at 11:37 AM, kdakota630 (29.61) wrote:

catoismymotor

I would certainly hope that's not the case.  I'd be open to any good idea regardless of what country it originated from.  Even Belgium!

Just now I got the idea to send him a link to my KDakotaFund blog with the John Stossel "Taxation" episode from FBN, and told him to pay particular attention to Part 4 regarding The Fair Tax.

I'll let you know his response if I get one.

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