Dr. Evil And The King Of The Dwarves Threathen The EU!
April 21, 2010
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Dr. Evil And The King Of The Dwarves Threathen The EU!
Rumor Mill News Agency and Taxidermy School
By: Cato, Monkey with Keyboard
His Highness, Baddar Thranaald, King of the Dwarves of Iceland, has announced that he will cause a volcanic explosion tens times that of Dr. Evil’s if the European Union does not pay €50 billion in precious jewels and metals by sunrise, Saturday, April 24, 2010. “For far too long we have let you humans take from us what you will because we were weak. Now we have the upper hand! Pay us or say bye-bye to your precious flying machines.” said King Thranaald in a prepared statement. When asked for a comment about the known plans of Dr. Evil, King Thrannald said “He is a ninny. You don’t send in a human to do a dwarf’s job. Only a dwarf can blow up a mountain properly.”
In a letter emailed to the press by Dr. Evil let it be known, “… and I have a lightening machine! It’s a big one, too. It was built by Zeus’s nephew. Where is Baddar’s lightening machine? Have you seen it? No! Because he does not have one! If he tries to tell you he’ll unleash the Balrog, and it is just as scary as a lightening machine, don’t believe the hype...”
In press conference European Union President Von Rompuy looked haggard and a possibly medicated. He stood, looking bewildered at the gathered members of the press and said “What the heck is going on? This deal with Iceland has turned into a bad ‘Austin Powers/Hell Boy/Lord of the Rings/Comic Con convention gone wild. Nuke’em from space I tell you! Nuke’em! I need a vacation.’“ He then left the podium, shouted something about sleeping pills and global warming as he left the room. Secretary General of The European Union, Catherine Day, then took the podium. She began to speak, “The past week has been difficult, hell, the last three years have been awful when you look at all that has happened. Normally we faced with deranged government leaders we just let then do what they want, killing millions of citizens, while waiting for them to run out of steam or for the population to have enough and turn against them. That was the course of action we had decided upon before the new threat was issued by King Thranaald. When mythological creatures present themselves as a danger we are forced to act. We are currently scavenging all the cobalt we can for Dr. Evil and as I speak we are crating all the Nazi treasure the Swiss has denied holding for over half a century in preparation for paying off the dwarves. I can not promise payment in full, but we’ll do the best we can.”
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