Dr. Evil Hold Europe Hostage, Some More!
Dr. Evil Holds Europe Hostage, Some More!
Rumor Mill News Agency and Taxidermy School
By: Cato, Monkey at Keyboard
Today I spoke with former Icelandic President Olafur Grimsson, now known as Dr. Evil, about a development that has the whole of Europe in a tizzy: He has added a lightening generator to the volcano machine. “Now I can zap planes out of the sky as well as choke their engines with ash. It’s quite exciting.”, said Dr. Evil via Skype. He continued, “I decided to keep this little part of my plan under my hat until yesterday. I was worried that the installation of the lighting generator would be discovered by Top Gear television presenter Jeremy Clarkson, last week, when he was here, driving on my volcano. I should have killed him and his crew but I do so love his show. It would have been a pity.”
I enquired with Dr. Evil about how he is finding life amongst the hildufolk. “Oh, its okay. They are nice and all but keep stealing my shoes when I sleep and pushing buttons on the volcano machine. I look forward to getting my own place. The king has been kind enough to let me sleep on his couch. Since I have to run things from down here I have plans to build my own bunker.” It was then he sent me this link showing what he has in mind. “It should be functional and cozy, very womb-like.” I asked Dr. Evil why he has decided to turn to the trade of master villainy “Hey, the bottom fell out of the economy. People would swim across the water to Scotland to get out of here if hypothermia was not a deterrent. You can’t get a Big Mac here since Mickey D’s went adios. Through no fault of our own Icelanders were hamburgled by the EU. And I want revenge for my people, plus 25% of the ransom for my troubles.”
I asked Dr. Evil if he has had any contact with EU President Von Rompuy. “No. I learned of his threat to nuke me from space through your news story. I think he has anger issues. He should maybe not eat so much cheese, drink more vino.” I asked him if he has heard anything about the €30 billion in cobalt he demands. “No. That’s why I turned on the lighting generator, to light a fire under them. Just because you are an island in the north Atlantic they hardly think of you. Ask Gordon Brown, he knows what I am talking about. These days to get things done you need to get attention, to stand out. To gain respect you must turn the horror up to eleven.”