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Dr. Evil Holds Europe Hostage!



April 20, 2010 – Comments (6)

Dr. Evil Holds Europe Hostage!


By: Cato, Editor & Chief

Rumor Mill News Agency and Taxidermy School


Olafur Grimsson, President of Iceland, and now self proclaimed baddie, has issued a decree: He will from this day forth be known as Dr. Evil, will move the center of government to the underground lair of the huldufolk (fairies) where he will continue to hold Europe hostage with his volcano machine. 


But what could President…Errr…Dr. Evil want in exchange for shutting down his terrible contraption? When asked via a video interview Dr. Evil shared this with me, “I want the €30 billion the EU has pledged to Greece. But I don’t want it in cash. I find the money to be confusing, like Canada’s. I want payment in cobalt, the element Co. I want it in shiny ingots. It is the metal of the future, you know. I got a tip about it in my email! The EU has until sunset, April 23, 2010 to present me with payment. And no funny stuff. I’m looking at you Van Rompuy. I can tie up air traffic for years!” When asked for his reaction to Dr. Evil’s demands EU President Van Rompuy said, “This financial crisis combined with god knows what on that frozen lump of nothingness has finally taken its toll. I don’t want to bring up the possibility of taking of military action against President Grimsson but we’ll nuke him from space if he keeps this up. You’re not recording this, are you?” 


When I tried to reach the leadership of the hildufolk for their take on this odd development I was met with mixed results. Many of the hildufolk are shy and often disappear into dark corners before being interviewed. Thus I found them to be like many of our human politicians. One member of this elusive community that wished to remain anonymous did contact me to say their king is at present in negotiations with the Greek god Vulcan over lava and ash rights and will be out of pocket until 2020. When asked who is currently funding the lava and ash my source whispered to me “Money, hopes and dreams stolen from UK pensioners.” When asked further about how long the volcano machine could operate without further finding the interview ended. At least for now Dr. Evil’s Volcano has money to burn.   

6 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On April 20, 2010 at 4:26 PM, DarkToast (31.90) wrote:

I chuckled. +1

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#2) On April 20, 2010 at 4:35 PM, chk999 (99.97) wrote:

This is a hoot. But don't trifle with the elves, they can be vindictive.

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#3) On April 20, 2010 at 6:38 PM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

Thanks. I felt like being goofy. I'm still not ready for primetime but enjoying myself none the less. I'm glad I made you laugh.

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#4) On April 20, 2010 at 8:50 PM, ttboydxb (28.23) wrote:

Brilliant, you had a room of 4 bored Air Traffic Controllers laughing.  Oops, here they come!

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#5) On April 20, 2010 at 11:15 PM, ChrisGraley (28.72) wrote:

Tomorrow's announcement is volcano machines with frickin laser beams.

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#6) On April 21, 2010 at 10:04 AM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

# 5 - Dr. Evil announces that a lightening generator has been added to the volcano machine, thinks lasers would be to "Vegas".


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