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Fake News: Apple initiates dividend

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March 15, 2012 – Comments (1)

Fake News: Apple Initiates Dividend

Welcome back to your favorite news station, WXYB and an S!

This week:   Apple just announced that they are going to start paying a quarterly dividend.  Starting in June, investors as of 15 May will be paid $8,024.04 a share.

Mark Zuckerburg recently announced interest in Facebook Acquiring Scrabble with Friends.  All talks were quickly discontinued when Zynga explained, "That's a Video Game...you can't acquire a video game."
Mark's last words to Zynga were..."Oh!...."

In other news, Gamestop has recently decided to cancel their share buyback program in favor of a share shorting program.  The CEO explained, "Well everyone else is shorting the stock, may as well join in."

Research in Motion has recently been trading at a PE of 3.17.....Which also happens to be the number of smart phones they sold all last year thanks to the popularity of the iPhone.

And now our story of the day.  President Obama has just announced passing an executive order declaring himself the winner of the 2012 Presidential Elections.  Nevertheless, Newt Gingrinch still wants to go to Tampa.

And that's our Fake News!  Thanks for tuning into WXYB and an S!

And remember....Your Stock Portfolios are only as good as your NCAA Brackets.

1 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On March 16, 2012 at 1:18 AM, ikkyu2 (99.31) wrote:

I heard there were 45 gallons of gasoline in every share of AAPL stock.

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