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Varchild2008 (85.18)

Fake News: DOW spikes 1000 pts, history made!

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September 06, 2011 – Comments (1)

Fake News:  DOW spikes 1000 pts, history made!

Julie: 
Good Evening and what an Evening it was!  You will remember for the rest of your life where you were when the DOW closed up 1000 pts in a single trading day!  WOW!  And with us is esteemed stock Analyst John Skywell to explain why in the world the DOW jumped 1000 pts today?  
John?

John:  Thanks Julie.  Today's market action came during a miserable economy in which the Macro just keeps getting worse and worse.  But, eveyone came in with Buy Buttons A-Blazing when out of no-where every single DOW stock made the announcement that they are applying for or have become
AUTHORIZED APPLE DEALERS!

Talk about a massive boon for everyone to be able to market and sell Apple Products!

Julie:  Great news, I suppose, but I don't get why the Education Sector rallied so high today?

John:  It's simple Julie....  They all decided to become Apple Dealers...selling Apple Products to the students that apply to go to their College.

Julie:  And where will the students get the money??  No one has a job especially the Kids!

John:  Job?  Jobs are for wimps!  Education companies have laid out a plan along with the support of the Federal Government to hand out "Over Allotment" Loans.  These Over Allotment Loans will hand over cash to students to pay for Tuition, Room & Board, Fees, and extra cash over the amount needed to cover those costs..... The extra cash would then be spent by the Kids on Apple Products.

Julie:   Well...Even stocks like Phulte Homes are applying for Authorized Apple Dealership....Does that make sense?

John:  Well, the housing construction stocks have been hurting for a long time.  Branching out to selling Apple Products makes perfect sense!  Phulte Homes, Standard Pacific Corp, and others are going to bundle Apple iPads together to form an APPLE iTENT.  What's more cozier than living inside a Tent made out of APPLE iPADS?

Julie:  Isn't this getting out of hand?  What happens when it Rains?

John:  I never said there was a warranty!!!   Hey. if any of your iPADs get destroyed, just trade it in
at GAMESTOP....Which is now becoming an Authorized APPLE Dealer themselves!

Julie:  Are you kidding?  What's Next?

John:  What's next?  Struggling Oshkosh is going into the Unmanned Aerial Vehicle Business in hopes to generate new revenue.

Julie:  Ooohhh...Well that sounds exciting!

John:  Except their first prototype is the shape of an APPLE iPOD and the Controller
is a Mouse with a Single Button.

Julie:  *Sigh*  Well....Until next time!  This is Julie signing out and heading off to the nearest
APPLE Store (the only Bricks and Mortor Store Left Standing in America's Great Depression II).

1 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On September 06, 2011 at 8:31 PM, SultanOfSwing (96.92) wrote:

Varchild2008,  You're not too far from the truth: S, T, GLUU, HAUP (I'm sure I'm missing others)

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