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Goldman Sachs in Talks to Acquire Treasury Department

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July 17, 2009 – Comments (12)


Andy Borowitz

BorowitzReport.com

Posted: July 16, 2009 08:03 AMBIOBecome a FanGet Email AlertsBloggers' IndexGoldman Sachs in Talks to Acquire Treasury Departmentdiggstumbleredditdel.ico.usRead More: ABC News, Andy Borowitz, Borowitz Report, Goldman Sachs, Jake Tapper, Mark Sanford, Mergers, Treasury Department, Comedy News 
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In what some on Wall Street are calling the biggest blockbuster deal in the history of the financial sector, Goldman Sachs confirmed today that it was in talks to acquire the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

According to Goldman spokesperson Jonathan Hestron, the merger between Goldman and the Treasury Department is "a good fit" because "they're in the business of printing money and so are we."

The Goldman spokesman said that the merger would create efficiencies for both entities: "We already have so many employees and so much money flowing back and forth, this would just streamline things."

Mr. Hestron said the only challenge facing Goldman in completing the merger "is trying to figure out which parts of the Treasury Dept. we don't already own."

Goldman recently celebrated record earnings by roasting a suckling pig over a bonfire of hundred-dollar bills.

Elsewhere, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford denied having an "inappropriate relationship" with ABC's Jake Tapper. More here.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and the author of "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition.

12 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On July 17, 2009 at 2:38 AM, Option1307 (30.12) wrote:

"they're in the business of printing money and so are we."

Ha ha ha, omg that is awesome!

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#2) On July 17, 2009 at 8:11 AM, OneLegged (< 20) wrote:

That's old news.  GS aquired the Treasury a long time ago.

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#3) On July 17, 2009 at 8:43 AM, Capsperson wrote:

Okay, now I'm awake...

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#4) On July 17, 2009 at 8:48 AM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

+ 1!

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#5) On July 17, 2009 at 10:43 AM, IIcx (< 20) wrote:

LOL +1

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#6) On July 17, 2009 at 11:06 AM, jesusfreakinco (29.02) wrote:

Too late... It already happened!

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#7) On July 17, 2009 at 11:28 AM, StatsGeek (29.35) wrote:

Hilarious

My more somber take on Government Sachs:

http://caps.fool.com/Blogs/ViewPost.aspx?bpid=229618&t=01000483237427947318

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#8) On July 17, 2009 at 11:30 AM, StatsGeek (29.35) wrote:

A snippet from the above blogpost:

"All of you -- Just get out your checkbook now and start tithing a portion of your assets to Goldman Sachs.  Those guys are smart and what they produce is critical to our economy.  Every thousand checks you send in will allow a GS employee a 2nd yacht on which to entertain a congressman or Fed employee.  Do your patriotic duty"

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#9) On July 17, 2009 at 11:40 AM, jatt22 (40.83) wrote:

+ rec .  even  da  blog  title  is  funny  dat  it  is  worth  a  rec  but  sadly  its  true  dat  they r in bed wth each other .  an  yea  in  this  uncertain  weather  its  all  true    as   one  blogger  perdict  on  caps  abt  some  radical change is abt to happen may be  this  too  involved in dat change dat  GS  acquire treasury or white house wut ever  ........

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#10) On July 17, 2009 at 1:31 PM, topsecret09 (44.31) wrote:

  LOL..............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#11) On July 17, 2009 at 4:07 PM, InflationSilver (99.95) wrote:

classic....

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#12) On July 18, 2009 at 5:54 PM, AdirondackFund (< 20) wrote:

Here's the best part.  While Goldman is earning a few Billion, it is costing us TRILLIONS for them to profit.  Not exactly 'market efficiency' as is so often explained as the rationale for such 'joint ventures'.  Chang and Eng were a joint venture too, but one just ended up killing the other, so what better can we expect here too? 

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