How to Retire TODAY!
How to Double the Money
No matter who you are or what your income, you can retire today. Here's how:
The Fed recently said it will leave interest rates unchanged at 0.00% to 0.25%. Helicopter Ben believes their is a low danger of inflation due to high unemployment. Let's pretend for a moment that inflation is not strictly a monetary phenomenon and could simply be defined as "an increase in the money supply." Don't worry that the money supply has actually doubled. Just put your faith in Old Ben.
How to Retire Without Money
First, drive/fly/walk/run to your local Federal Reserve Bank, or go straight to the source in Washington, DC. Ask to talk to Ben. Tell him Dare sent you. Tell him that you understand how tough these economic times are, and that you want to do him a favor. Due to the lack of liquidity in the credit market you are going to help out the biggest of all "too-big-to-fail" banks. All he needs to do is give you a $1,000,000,000 loan at 0.00% interest. Heck, if you have bad credit you will even settle for the 0.25% rate.
In the Citi!
Now take your billion and head down to the nearest Citibank. Tell that you would like to make a deposit. I suspect the conversation will go a little like this:
Teller: Hi. Welcome to Citi. How can I help you.
You: I would like to open a savings account.
Teller: Excellent! How much would you like to deposit?
You: (pinky finger held at corner of mouth) One billion dollars!
Teller: Very funny sir.
You: (Show them your Federal Reserve check signed by Ben) Here you go.
Teller: (Mouth agape.) Let me get my manager.
Living Off the Interest
Just a quick glance at Citi's current savings account rates shows that their Ultimate Savings Account (which you will certainly qualify for....) pays an annual interest of 1.19%. Which means if you had good credit and got the 0.00% interest loan you are now making $19 million/year on the interest alone, and if you got the 0.25% (cause you had bad credit) you are making a measly $9.4 million. Either way you should be able to retire to the life of luxary.
Doin' Nothin', Nothin' Doin'
While you are sitting on the beach somewhere sipping on an Italian Margarita you may start to wonder at this magic money trick, and how fractional reserve banking and fiat money managed to steal from the poor to give to the wealthy, but put that out of your mind. Instead, think about how cool a trick it is to be able to make money from nothing and to get your chicks for free!
After all, you have just injected a billion dollars liquidity back into the markets into a struggling bank that was really pressed for cash. They can now loan that money out to small business owners at exhorbitant rates. The streets will flow with money again. House prices will rise forever. Buffet will buy an entire Railroad!
Don't worry that you didn't actually add any real production to the economy. Forget the fact that you didn't have to work for an honest dollar like the common man. You are a member of the elite now. And when billions of dollars are involved you can afford not to have conscience.
Just remember that the Fed and all the banks they lend to have been getting away with the exact same practice for years now.