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Varchild2008 (84.35)

If Pres. Obama was a STOCK on Wall Street

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December 10, 2009 – Comments (5)

Maureen Dowd, "Good Morning and welcome to the OBAMA corporation Q4 earnings report and full 2009 annual report.  If you would like to ask a question during our Q/A portion please press STAR 2 and you will be placed in the Queue in the order it was received.  Now, here's our C.E.O. Pres. Obama to report on our Earnings and later CFO Howard Dean will report on expectations for 2010."

Pres. Obama, "Uhhh... Good Morning everyone...First...Let me just say that there will be no Safe Harbor Clauses necessary.... I mean.. What risk?  There's no risk here...It's full speed ahead on my Hope and Change mobile that my tenure as C.E.O. has brought to the company....  As you know...uhhh... My predecessor has given our company a great big debt that I had to fix....and uhhhh...sales were down last year as well because of my predecessor...uhh....So if sales are waaaaaay down this year.....it's uhhhh...also because of him...."

"With that said....I am glad to report that my debt has only Quadrupled from all of the Loans I took during this year.... This uhhhh clearly beats Analyst expectations for a quintupling of my Company's Debt..... Thankfully...it's less than that.....

However, there is more work my company needs to do to eventually generate a profit.  Or at least bring my company's balance sheet to dead even.... Uhhhhhh  And to bring myself out of debt, that too is important.. So, here is what I propose... My company will borrow another $300 billion loan from Bank of America and spend it in much the same fashion as we did with our earlier $700 billion loan from Citigroup....Spas, Jacuzzis, Lap Dances in Vegas...important stuff you know...   

Now I know this has not yet generated 1 single job..or saved anyone's job at the Obama Corp.....Afterall, I layed off 2/3rds of our workforce just last week... You know...uhh...to make ends meet.....somewhere....Well, actually...Bank of America and Citigroup have ordered that I do something about my DEBT and punishing my employees seemed the wisest move to make!

And...uhh....to get my company's sales numbers up we must spend spend spend....Takes spending money to eventually make money.   I am sure we can return to growth after I REMODEL my HOME and buy a company HELICOPTER...  These things are of course very important to my company's future....uhhhhh..... And uhhhhhh  All paid for through the aforementioned LOANS....

Oh and uhhhhh  I am slashing everyone's salary...except my own....here at my company.... My salary will still be HIGH as it always is..... but everyone is going to have to make a sacrifice.... So I am initiating a Salary Limit Cap at $10,000 a year....Also stripping out $500 million dollars out of our Health Benefits/Retirement packages.

Now..uhhhhh  EARNINGS PER SHARE this quarter..were....uhm.....negative 2100% year over year at -$12 trillion  per share.    But this spending was necessary to stimulate my company.

My Revenues were for this quarter....Negative $30.7 billion... an improvement although slight from last quarter due to a better than expected Trade Deficit....  Maybe that's why NORWAY sent me that #1 Large Cap C.E.O of the year Award before I was officially the C.E.O. back in
January 19th.

Now... Howard Dean our CFO will go over my 2010 expectations."

Howard Dean, "Well, before you all dump your shares by the opening bell I'll have you know that 2010 is going to be a great year... Investors should keep holding their shares straight through the inevitable Chapter 11 bankruptcy....to occur sometime whenever Bank of Ameria and Citigroup stop bailing us out with more Loans.   Now back to you Maureen Dowd for the Q/A portion!!"

Maureen Dowd, "Well..actually..there will be no Q/A.. This earnings report is a CLOSED to SHAREHOLDERS earnings report..... This was decided in order to generate the most Transparent Company ever!  Transparency is key to a prosperous and accountable future for our business!
Thank you and good bye!"

5 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On December 10, 2009 at 1:11 PM, tgarci2 (86.55) wrote:

I lol'd hard.

  I was about to say "Thankfully there is no Obama stock"...but then I remembered he has more effect on the market than a single company could...and a little part of me died

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#2) On December 10, 2009 at 10:45 PM, RainierMan (44.47) wrote:

Cool, tgarci2 just pointed out that Obama, who apparently has more influence on the market than any company, must be responsible for the huge market run up this year. Not sure why that made his "little part" die, but I doubt he'll miss it. ; )

 

 

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#3) On December 11, 2009 at 11:55 AM, vriguy (81.56) wrote:

Oh grow up. Obama is neither Saviour nor the AntiChrist. Politicians from both parties, with the complicity and connivance of a majority of the population got us into this mess. His policies, and Congress' policies, may be solving our problems or may be making them worse, but we won't know the outcome for a few years. In the meantime, the President and Congress were elected by us, and until the next elections they're supposed to pursue policies they believe are correct. And, we're in this together; whether you like it or not, it is not Obama Corp, it is the USA Corp - he's only the CEO, brought in after the collapse of the company. 

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#4) On December 12, 2009 at 3:06 PM, Varchild2008 (84.35) wrote:

Hey vriguy,  speak to the "homeless" living in Tents in Colorado Springs Colorado where a sign was put up saying, "Obamaville  The fastest growing community."

This is OBAMA CORP. because unlike most presidents who win elections, only President Barack Obama was calling to massively change America around in his image.

Most presidents want to solve the problems that exist... Not throw the entire system out and build a different one.....

That's why we are seeing his approval numbers continuing to produce brand new lower numbers.  www.rasmussenreports.com latest survey today shows Obama with the worst approval numbers to date.

Gallup hasn't given a president in his first year a 47% approval rating ever....And Gallup has been polling job approval ratings for Presidents longer than any other polling agency.  This is an historic slide for a reason and the reason is Pres. Obama never liked AMERICA.... stark contrast from John F. Kennedy.

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#5) On December 12, 2009 at 3:12 PM, Varchild2008 (84.35) wrote:

Oh and even the AFGE.... Federal Government Workers Union....

*SHOCK*  of all *SHOCKS* really......

Even the AFGE is up in arms and upset over President Obama regarding his Health Care legislation in the Senate that is set up to tax the health insurance of more than 40% of the total work force for Federal Government Employees.

This is the "Cadillac" insurance tax that over time will begin to impact insurance programs that include Blue Cross and Blue Shield's most popular plan for Federal Government Workers.

If AFGE.... An organization that printed Newsletters devoted to trashing President Bush is upset with President Obama....

Then that speaks volumes.....   Obama's own BASE of supporters is beginning to turn on him.....  In less than a year.

This goes back to what I said back in early 2009...  President Obama was NOT A LIBERAL!!!!!!!   He's a COMMUNIST, MARXIST, KOOK.....disguising himself as a LIBERAL / CONSERVATIVE moderate in order to advance himself with more political power.

Now we gave this guy the ultimate power of beign President of the United States and we have to face the consequences of what this guy is doing...

THIS IS NOT AMERICA...... It is NOT YOUR AMERICA and it is NOT MY AMERICA......    Just like the new Leondard Skynard song....  This is some entirely disgusting remodification program to our country being run by a corrupt, no accomplishment, Pro Abortionist.

But that's just my 2 cents.

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