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DaretothREdux (43.51)

Invest in Heroin?

Recs

32

February 05, 2009 – Comments (24) | RELATED TICKERS: O , IN

Heroin is a ton of fun. It really takes the edge off. My buddies and I like to shoot up at least once or twice a day. The more you get into your system the better you feel. We used to have rules when we first started doping.

Rule #1: Never inject more than 1/100th of what it would take to kill you.

Of course, this was mostly a guessing game and sometimes we would overshoot by a little. Still, though, as long as we kept our doping to a minimum and followed the rules we managed to function as well as your average junkie. But our tolerance started to build… we started to get the itch for a longer and bigger rush. We bought and manufactured more pure stuff. We leveraged our risk even higher. 1/10th became the new base standard.

A couple of the guys got a little out of control. They started focusing more and more on purity and stopped caring about the rules. Three guys in particular, Bac Lehman and Aig Lehman (We called them the Lehman Brothers) and a guy named Citi started to get really out of control.

Everyday was a search for dope of a higher purity, and everyday they pushed the limits further and further…

One day my Uncle Samuel came by with his twins Freddie and Fannie and wanted to participate. Uncle Sam was a multi-billionaire (it was like the guy printed his own money), and so he only bought the best stuff for Freddie and Fannie.

Well, Freddie and Fannie hadn’t spent years building up a tolerance like the rest of us, and when they tried the really pure stuff (upon Uncle Sam’s insistence that they only have the best), they were both shocked into comas. Uncle Samuel was saddened by this, but he had plenty of money and they received the best care a person can have in a vegetable state (lots of sunshine and water?).

Meanwhile Uncle Sam got to know the boys pretty well. He put little Pauly in charge of his finances, and he let Old Ben (who everyone called Helicopter) run his business. Naturally, business boomed and more and more people became addicted to heroin. As long as business was growing Uncle Sam looked the other way. He even changed the rules so that people could inject themselves at a 9/10th chance of dying.

Everyone was flying high, man. Until one day, all the boys got their hands on some really pure stuff called housing and everyone went wild on the juice. All bets were off.

The Lehman Brothers took way too much and were both dead before Uncle S. knew what happened. He never really cared for the Brothers though, at least, not like he cared for Citi…

Citi got really sick. Uncle S. was no doctor though and he didn’t really know what to do. He actually didn’t know any good doctors. He knew a bunch of junkies and addicts, so he gathered the smartest ones together and they came up with a plan.

They decided that what Citi needed, and the others who were sick (including Freddie and Fannie who were still comatose) was to not quit juicing because some of them had tried to stop before and they got the shakes and had bad dreams and threw up a lot... trying to quit was insanely hard.

Besides, if they were to take everyone off the juice people might not be as happy as they were on the juice, people might have to go back to leading drug free lives, and happiness would have to be achieved from hard work, instead of easy heroin.

So, instead of stopping, or even easing everyone off the heroin as some doctors might recommend, instead, of using some sort of heroin substitute to slow the pain and suffering of the overly-addicted druggies…

Instead, Pauly and Old Ben decided to up the juice. They made heroin free for every addict! The got out the biggest d&mn syringes they could find and filled them with the purist of the pure, and simultaneous stuck the needles into every addict (even the one’s barely alive under the 99/100th rule) and filled them with heroin ten times what any normal human could take.

Disclosure: This blog has been brought to you by The Partnership for A Drug Addicted America.

24 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On February 05, 2009 at 4:18 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

In an attempt to be "fair and balanced" here is a post by BigFatBear that praises Keynesian Economics.

And as always, comments, questions, and rebuttle are welcome.

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#2) On February 05, 2009 at 5:06 AM, mdabat (< 20) wrote:

so true..

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#3) On February 05, 2009 at 8:06 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

mdabat,

yes...always good to hear from a fellow junkie...

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#4) On February 05, 2009 at 8:29 AM, carcassgrinder (35.75) wrote:

trust me.....the US gov. knows the benefits of heroin addiction.  That is our main reason for occupying Afganistan...to control the heroin markets.

......What?  Did you think it was to fight terrorists...or fight the war on drugs?  The only terrorists the US gov. recognizes are those who take money or profits that the US gov. wants.  The 'War on Drugs' is a war to make sure that drug money supports our cartels...and not others. 

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#5) On February 05, 2009 at 8:46 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

carcassgrinder,

I have no doubt that you are right. I have said many times before (and I am not the first) that War is the Health of the State.

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#6) On February 05, 2009 at 10:35 AM, Mary953 (73.06) wrote:

Now if I was clever enough to do it, I would have put a Youtube of Amy Winehouse "Rehab" here, but I suppose someone else will have to take that on.

BTW, have you checked Donnernv today?  TRDH is out of the mix.  D has issued a direct challenge of 'Put up or Shut up!'  Of course, now that Donnernv has headed off for the day, Alstry is doing neither, but is strutting around acting as though he has frightened Big D off.  Oh, and trying to once again negotiate more favorable terms.  Sort of like my kids when they were preschoolers and didn't want to race.  Then they would go barreling by, yelling GO over their shoulders as they got almost to the finish line.

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#7) On February 05, 2009 at 10:51 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

Mary953,

I saw that! It's so pathetic you can really only laugh. 

And now since Mary requested it:

I hope that works this is my first attempt to imbed anything.

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#8) On February 05, 2009 at 11:02 AM, outoffocus (22.85) wrote:

Wow only 7 recs so far? This blog is genious.

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#9) On February 05, 2009 at 11:11 AM, Mary953 (73.06) wrote:

How did you do that, Dare?  I want steps - written out clearly a,b,c,d  from an English major to a History major so I can get this down!  Otherwise, I have to ask my daughter (not such a good idea).  

Outoffocus - If I did have other id's, I would have used them to give more recs, because you are right.  The piece is so on-target. 

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#10) On February 05, 2009 at 11:23 AM, BigFatBEAR (29.22) wrote:

Hahaha...   a big rec for you, sir!

I think I'm gonna take out another line of cred....   I mean, drink some more "juice". Yeah, that's the ticket. *WINK*.

"The Simpsons: A Star Is Burns (#6.18)" (1995)

Barney: [during his acceptance speech] I've learned that I have a gift to share with the world. From now on, I'll be a new Barnard Gumbel; clean, sober, and hardworking.
Mayor Quimby: Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your prize - a lifetime supply of Duff Beer.
[the curtains pull back to reveal a Duff Beer tanker truck]
Barney: Just hook it to my veins!
[the truck driver prepares an I.V]

 

Looking forward to your full critique of Keynesianism when you're computer's not all crunk-sauced. ;)

-BFB 

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#11) On February 05, 2009 at 11:34 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

BigFatBEAR,

That's a good one. I was on a work computer last night and it doesn't like it when there are vids (everything is websensed) or too many comments. I was lucky to be able to comment on your blog at all.

But I will give you a critique tonight after I get some sleep.

outoffocus,

Thanks man.

Mary953,

A. Go to Youtube.com and find the video you want.

B. There is an Advertisement directly to the right of the video. Ignore the ad and look below it.

C. There is a second box telling you about the person who posted the vid and allowing you to subscribe to his videos. At the bottom of that box you will see URL and the URL for that video.

D. Below URL you will see Embed. There is a link to the right of Embed. If you copy and paste that link into a comment or a blog, then you will embed that video.

E. Congratulate yourself! You have just embeded your first video.

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#12) On February 05, 2009 at 12:29 PM, BigFatBEAR (29.22) wrote:

Also, I just learned this from GoodVibe, if you click on the cog next to embed, you can do his cool color stuff. Yay colors!

This is a lot easier than making a customized player for every vid that you want to embed. :-%

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#13) On February 05, 2009 at 1:10 PM, eldemonio (98.92) wrote:

Nice post, although I must confess that I am a little disappointed.  Where can I invest in some heroin?  Er, I mean..........I have a friend..........

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#14) On February 05, 2009 at 2:38 PM, Mary953 (73.06) wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/v/kQD7eC5wRSk&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1"> name="allowFullScreen" value="true">http://www.youtube.com/v/kQD7eC5wRSk&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x5d1719&color2=0xcd311b&border=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="445" height="364">

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#15) On February 05, 2009 at 2:42 PM, Option1307 (29.70) wrote:

Your best one yet Dare...

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#16) On February 05, 2009 at 4:40 PM, chino88 (< 20) wrote:

ahaha, another cool post indeed. Anyways why do you guys think we are going into Afghanistan? well... supporting that war even more? Afghanistan is the N1 supplier of opium.. which is the key ingredient of heroin? clear enought? it does make sense investing in heroin or pharmacetucals

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#17) On February 05, 2009 at 11:33 PM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

Mary953,

Not sure why that didn't work...it's all I did, I swear.

Option1307,

Thanks. Sometimes it's easy to write and other times it is very hard. This one was fairly easy for me, and I find it is the ones that are not forced that usually get the best response.

chino88,

Big Pharma has been working overtime paying for Universal Health Care ads these days...if Big Pharma and Big Insurance is paying for universal health care ads it tells me two things:

1. They will profit from socialized medicine

2. Socialized medicine will be more exspensive for the everyday person

3. A third thing would be that you are right and investing your money there is not a terrible idea if we can stop universal healthcare from coming.

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#18) On February 06, 2009 at 12:25 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

Correction: if we CAN'T stop universal healthcare from coming.

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#19) On February 06, 2009 at 7:09 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

lol eldemonio,

I hear that the market was flooded with too much "cheap" heroin and there are now attempts to balance out the heroin markets by making heroin free...you just have to know the right politicians/dealers to get any.

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#20) On February 06, 2009 at 7:17 AM, Mary953 (73.06) wrote:

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#21) On February 06, 2009 at 8:51 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

Mary! That is hilarious! I love all those movies (The Dark Knight, The Cider House Rules, Spiderman and Spiderman 2...not so keen on #3....). Thanks for the laugh this morning.

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#22) On February 06, 2009 at 9:07 AM, Mary953 (73.06) wrote:

Consider it a thank you for the enjoyable post that you put up... and also for the defense on the other blog earlier.

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#23) On February 06, 2009 at 9:17 AM, DaretothREdux (43.51) wrote:

Mary953,

I know you can take care of yourself ;) but I will call someone out when they are out of line, it's comes with being a Fool.

BTW Guess what I learned how to do?

I just learned this morning from my little sister who took web design in high school!

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#24) On February 06, 2009 at 9:27 AM, Mary953 (73.06) wrote:

Bayer brand Heroin?????  I bet that would shoot their stock soaring high. (pun intended) ;)

Teach me how to do that.  Oh, and the reason I had trouble with the other directions is that on my computer, I had to highlight the blue link and hit unlink on the frame above.  Then it worked.  I will talk to you later.  Great job.

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