LIMITED time offer, don't delay.....time is running out....
In a recent blog and now in this blog post, our resident oracle and doomsday predictor, who presents facts in lawyer style; an internationally known blogger, (second most in caps history) referenced the recent rise in those rejecting his teachings, referenced a MUST Have Device.
Because this is a lmited time offer, we are not allowed to list the designer by name, but you can be assured that this is the original item offered.
In regard for his fellow humans, even those who do not yet see the merit of his prolific notififications that the world will basically end, financially and morally, 09.09 (I suppose this means sometime in the great month of September of this year), our resident Oracle, (again nameless), in typical concern for humans, those dense, scared, in denial, or looking for a rock to hide under, has issued a limited number of his new alstrybators. Time to order, (9.09) and availability ARE limited.
Alstrybation requires the lastest model alstrybator to give you even that slight chance that you are not one of the 99% Zombinated by the financial crisis of epic proportion that is about to occur. Don't be confused by his attention grabbing, (as with all his headlines) April headline, that the DOW has peaked at 8300.
Our lawyer Oracle, has divined, through the shaking of his netbook while blogging, in true Oracle fashion, that time is indeed near.
If his courtroom, Perry Mason style of warnings has not adequately prepared you then, this is your last chance.
Offer is limited. Cost is due in full (postal money orders only) as banks are already useless and will soon crash. Time is short, express shipping is recommended. While the Alstrybator is not guaranteed to help you ward off zombination, (neither will garlic), it will help sooth your fears. In addition it will fund his much needed bunker supplies. Our Oracle recently realized that his supply of rechargeable batteries may not function when power is cut off. Since leaving the stockmarket our Oracle has not had the opportunity the rest of our world doomed procrastinators have had to earn high market returns.
The latest Alstrybator is designed for long term use, after the world crash, and runs off of tomato juice. (Tomato seeds are not included).
Order today, limited one per person. (After all, how man Alstrybators does one person need)?
IT may already be too late.
(small print: Not responsible for misuse of the Alstrybator or for any shaking it might cause when you use your computer. Not responsible for shipping or if the end comes before arrival. No returns without proper RMA material, (phones will NOT be answered). This is lmited to first come first serve. Device NOT approved by the FDA. Please check with a doctor to see if you are healthy enough to use the Alstrybator. Not for use for purposes not intended. As with all electrical devices, care should be taken when used).