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August 23, 2009 – Comments (5) | RELATED TICKERS: A , LSTR , Y

In a recent blog and now in this blog post, our resident oracle and doomsday predictor,  who presents facts in lawyer style; an internationally known blogger, (second most in caps history) referenced the recent rise in those rejecting his teachings, referenced a MUST Have Device.

Because this is a lmited time offer, we are not allowed to list the designer by name, but you can be assured that this is the original item offered.

 In regard for his fellow humans, even those who do not yet see the merit of his prolific notififications that the world will basically end, financially and morally, 09.09 (I suppose this means sometime in the great month of September of this year), our resident Oracle, (again nameless),  in typical concern for humans, those dense, scared, in denial, or looking for a rock to hide under, has issued a limited number of his new alstrybators.  Time to order,  (9.09) and availability ARE limited.

Alstrybation requires the lastest model alstrybator to give you even that slight chance that you are not one of the 99% Zombinated by the financial crisis of epic proportion that is about to occur.  Don't be confused by his attention grabbing, (as with all his headlines)  April headline,  that the DOW has peaked at 8300.

Our lawyer Oracle, has divined, through the shaking of his netbook while blogging, in true Oracle fashion, that time is indeed near. 

If his courtroom, Perry Mason style of warnings has not adequately prepared you then, this is your last chance. 

Offer is limited.  Cost is due in full (postal money orders only) as banks are already useless and will soon crash. Time is short, express shipping is recommended.  While the Alstrybator is not guaranteed to help you ward off zombination, (neither will garlic), it will help sooth your fears.  In addition it will fund his much needed  bunker supplies. Our Oracle recently realized that his supply of rechargeable batteries may not function when power is cut off.  Since leaving the stockmarket our Oracle has not had the opportunity the rest of our world doomed procrastinators have had to earn high market returns.

The latest Alstrybator is designed for long term use, after the world crash, and runs off of tomato juice. (Tomato seeds are not included).

Order today, limited one per person. (After all, how man Alstrybators does one person need)?

IT may already be too late.

(small print:  Not responsible for misuse of the Alstrybator or for any shaking it might cause when you use your computer. Not responsible for shipping or if the end comes before arrival.  No returns without proper RMA material, (phones will NOT be answered).  This is lmited to first come first serve.  Device NOT approved by the FDA.  Please check with a doctor to see if you are healthy enough to use the Alstrybator.  Not for use for purposes not intended.  As with all electrical devices, care should be taken when used).

 

5 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On August 23, 2009 at 10:09 PM, alstry (35.60) wrote:

I can't believe how popular Alstry has become.

Everytime someone writes a blog about Alstry, it gets tons of recommendations....and always one from me.

Could you imagine if Alstry actually was a publicity hound?

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

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#2) On August 23, 2009 at 11:18 PM, TSIF (99.96) wrote:

No, that exceeds my imagination.  If Alstry even put a fraction of his attention toward publicity, rather than dedicating his life warning the zombies of the world, whether they listen or not, of the doom to come,  the results would be alstrynomical!

 If Caps really had 65,000 players, instead of mostly Zombies, Alstry would have broken the CAPS network.  The CAPS servers would have needed upgrading and extra digits added to all of the stats columns.  There would be Alstry T-Shirts, ginzu knifes (keep them away from children), coffee mugs, television shows, books, etc. The Alstrybator would be sold out on the home shopping network MINUTES after it was offered!

Alstry is by far, the most popular player on CAPs and it won't be long until they write a song about him......., but by then it may be too late for most of us.

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#3) On August 24, 2009 at 12:09 AM, alstry (35.60) wrote:

You have to admit, it is already pretty bad for the following:

NOW POLICE ARE SELLING GUNS TO RAISE MONEY?

Reporting from Colorado Springs, Colo. - This conservative city is taking an unusual, some might say extreme, step to try to stem its fiscal woes: It's entering the gun business.

The Colorado Springs City Council is expected in coming weeks to approve the final details of a program that would allow the Police Department to sell confiscated firearms to federally licensed gun dealers. Police have already stopped melting down the hundreds of guns they collect from crime scenes, drug houses or civilians who don't need them anymore.

The sales are projected to bring in about $10,000 a year, only a slight dent for a city that faced a deficit of one-quarter its $200-million annual budget this year. But it still helps, said Vice Mayor Larry Small, who proposed the gun sales.

"Every penny counts," Small said.

Colorado Springs is home to the Army's Ft. Carson, the Air Force Academy and NORAD. Men and women in uniform mingle easily with civilians in the shopping centers and strollable downtown that sits in the shadow of 14,000-foot Pikes Peak. People here are comfortable around firearms.

But even in Colorado Springs, the idea of law enforcement as gun sellers has raised some eyebrows.

The Police Department objected, only to be overruled by the council, which in February voted 8 to 1 to direct the department to draw up the program it will consider this month. Lt. David Whitlock said the Police Department has been moving cautiously to address the many concerns the sales raise.

"There's all kinds of ancillary issues, one of which is the politics of being in the gun-selling business," Whitlock said. "The other is not introducing another weapon into the community."

Jan Martin, the lone council member who voted against the sales, said the small amount of money they could bring in is outweighed by the risk that a gun sold by the city could one day be used for a crime.

"I remember what some of those weapons were used for," Martin said. "Just the idea of putting those weapons back on the street is unconscionable."

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-gun-sales23-2009aug23,0,4831409.story

Pissed off marines.....pissed off cops.....and lots of extra guns out on the streets.....as poverty is exploding around America.

Statewide participation in the food stamp program increased by 25 percent — with more than 23,000 additional residents enrolled — over the nine-month period ending in June, according to new figures that advocates say show just how much Hawai'i families are struggling.

http://fwix.com/share/29_317c4fec54#

Yes....more and more families are struggling as Benny tells us the recession is ending?  As more go broke, more and more will lose their homes driving down the values even further.....

The firm said lenders initiated 2,822 foreclosure proceedings against homeowners in Massachusetts last month, more than five times the 502 that were filed in July 2008 and about the same as in June 2009. That indicates many borrowers are still having trouble making their mortgage payments.

“We’re seeing a lot of people with income problems’’ because of the recession, said Timothy M. Warren Jr., chief executive of Warren Group. “They’re losing their jobs, being put on furlough, or having their hours cut.’’

http://www.boston.com/realestate/news/articles/2009/08/20/foreclosure_proceedings_skyrocket_in_mass/?s_campaign=8315

Just the facts Fools.....and the facts are getting a lot worse....unless we restructure debt and stop the Zombulator.

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#4) On August 24, 2009 at 12:21 AM, alstry (35.60) wrote:

Aren't banker supposed to be making it easier on the consumer after the taxpayer just bailed them out?

Credit card companies slashed limits for an estimated 58 million card holders in the 12 months ended in April, even though a high percentage had good credit scores when their limits were cut.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/08/20/business/AP-Credit-Cards-Credit-Limit-Cuts.html?_r=1

Heck, when the banks had a bad credit rating we slashed their interest rate and gave them piles of free money....shouldn't they do something similar to us?

Instead of getting mad at Alstry....you may want to direct your anger to the Zombulator....it will come after you eventually.

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#5) On August 24, 2009 at 7:40 AM, TSIF (99.96) wrote:

I doubt there are very many people MAD at Alstry!  Just tired of the BLOG Spam.  Your putting two factoids in the same blog such is this is amazing!  One about police selling guns and one about banks raising credit card limts.  According to your replies to Kask  the average CAPs player can't absorb two arguments in the the same blog.  This violates your thesis that each article of support for 09.09 requires a separate blog!  I did get both of these points, (better than your blogs), even though you put them together.  Well done!  Alstry does show occasional moments of coherent dialogue, they are just often lost in the noise.

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