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February 25, 2014 – Comments (13)

Well, the young man that broke into my home and cost me thousands of dollars, completely violated my sense of security and privacy, emotionally damaged me and sickened me to know he was jerking off in my bedroom (DNA evidence he left behind caught him), got a mere one year on probabtion.  This was not a first offense.

I did not get any property back and I most certainly am not feeling any justice here. 

Oh well... 

13 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On February 26, 2014 at 6:58 AM, awallejr (81.36) wrote:

Well I hope you at least sue him.

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#2) On February 26, 2014 at 6:04 PM, blesto (31.55) wrote:

I'm with awallejr on that!

The criminal courts may be lacking but you can keep that jerk tied up in civil courts. If he has any assets worth anything you might get them. Think O.J. Simpson.

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#3) On February 26, 2014 at 9:53 PM, HarryCaraysGhost (99.71) wrote:

Litigation sounds like horrible advice. Anyone commiting these crimes would most likely not have a pot to piss in.

C'mon awallejr, I know your a lawyer but no reason to line another lawyers pockets on dwot's dime.

Only way that would work is if the twerp were a minor, whose parents had assets. Still not the road I would want to travel.

Dwot you might want to go old school and just have some of your relatives rough the kid up.

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#4) On February 26, 2014 at 10:18 PM, awallejr (81.36) wrote:

Doesn't matter you can go small claims court at least without a lawyer and any judgment is good for 20 years.

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#5) On February 26, 2014 at 10:25 PM, awallejr (81.36) wrote:

Small Claims court really is easy.  Odds are he will default anyway.  I don't know what cap there is in Canada but in NYC US it is $5,000.  If your damages are more odds are you won't find an attorney to take the case.  But at LEAST sue in small claims Court. Once you get a judgment you can then ask a local sheriff to collect.  If the defendant is working you can garnish his salary.  It really is easy but too many people won't follow through.

You can watch Judge Judy on TV or you can spend an evening at small claims court and watch the real thing.

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#6) On February 27, 2014 at 12:05 AM, Mary953 (72.90) wrote:

Let go with whatever good cathertic exercise works for you (for me, probably a good scream and burning the items that were "defiled with his DNA.")  Then take whatever proactive steps you need to feel good and safe again.  Could I suggest a good self-defense program, some shooting practice, and a good gun with a gun safe for when you have young ones in the house?

Then let it go as much as possible.  Nothing poisons your life like letting something like this take you over.  And it is hard not to let that happen.  Maybe you could take Harry up on his suggestion.  Andy, I am not sure I would want to stand across from this guy in court.  He is not the sort that needs to think of any specific person as 'memorable.'    

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#7) On February 27, 2014 at 2:13 AM, blesto (31.55) wrote:

<< He is not the sort that needs to think of any specific person as 'memorable.' >>

Yeah, but if everyone who he offended and stole from took him to civil court, he would have a whole crowd to be memorable of. Then have Harry's goons take him out back. I heard they work for beer.

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#8) On February 27, 2014 at 9:19 AM, awallejr (81.36) wrote:

Well as much as people may want the guy to get a beating that just isn't realistic since Dwot could then find herself behind bars and that isn't justice served.  Not knowing the dollar amount of Dwot's damages I will assume it to be under 10,000.

If it is over then you would need a lawyer but that will cost you more money.  Under $10,000 use small claims court. While your damages may be higher than the $5k limit (although it might be higher in Canada) still better off that route since using an attorney will eat up what is over the max anyways.  Plus small claims is really quick compared to civil court.

If you don't ever want to see the guy again well that is a personal decision but consider what happens to him if you pursue.  First, if he does appear in court (although I am willing to bet he will default) he is now standing in a courtroom in front of an audience and you can embarass the hell out of him.

I am confident you will win provided you can prove the damages (also talk to the prosecutor to get criminal court evidence).  Now you got a judgment.  If he ever wants a car loan that judgment pops up.  If he wants to buy a house or go for any loan, that judgment pops up.  If he is working on the books you can garnish his wages.  If he has a bank account you can freeze it.

Emotionally it will be hard, but if you do nothing he gets away with it.

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#9) On February 28, 2014 at 2:34 AM, dwot (72.69) wrote:

This idea of suing after a crime is not so common in Canada, but as HarryCarysGhost says, the young man has no assets and no job.  He also has very low education, grade 4-5 level would not surprise me.

I think the young man is 22 now, so he would have been 19 or 20 when he broke into my place, and he is just a little guy.  He broke in over the summer when I was away, and robberies here when people are in the community are not that common.  It is when homeowners leave that they tend to happen.

This event was very hard for me at the time.  There was not a thing I owned that was left untouched.  I had stuff at the back of top shelves pulled down, opened and just left out.  It left me wondering how I would survive here, and ultimately on a path of finding what it takes to look after emotional health.

I made some serious changes in my life as a result.  I spent 6 weeks in Europe the following summer.  Last summer I hit all of the Atlantic provinces and New York and I also went on an Alaskian cruise.  Part of my plan for me is to have awesome summers, which I have been implementing.  

The other thing it did was look at how to emotionally heal, and that was far more encompassing then just the break-in, and right now my emotional health is much better then before the robbery because the process of emotional healing also heals you from other hurts.  

I posted about the sentence fairly soon after I was told about it.  But I would say within an hour or two of posting I had already decided to just let it go.  It really is not worth any emotional energy and I am ultimately in a better place emotionally because of it.  

I am supposed to meet with him in a couple weeks where he is supposed to issue an apology and I will tell him that I was very hurt by what he did, but I have forgiven him and that I will feel bad for him if he does not learn from this and finds himself in jail one day.

I had an interesting conversation with someone who spent quite a bit of time in and out of jail for quite a few years and he made some super interesting comments to me.  He thought that he might have turned his life around much sooner if he'd had stiffer sentences when he was younger.  I am not sure how the US works, but in Canada he was say you do not access any of the programs that can help you to reflect on your actions and turn your life around with a sentence a couple months here and a couple months there, but when you get into a sentence that is a couple years, then you really have time to reflect and get counseling.  He seemed to think something like 2 chances at short terms, ie, a couple months, then straight to 2 years, but leave it there for a couple times.  With our progressive sentences a person could be sentenced to 6-8 years for something like my home robbery.

 

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#10) On February 28, 2014 at 10:05 AM, dwot (72.69) wrote:

One of the things that I am finding that forgiveness is enabling me to do is to be able to have empathy for what this young man's life was like growing up, a drunken father that constantly beats his mother, and never seeing any justice or accountability around the home issues.

One of the things that happened in the first month of school this year was our local police detachment organized a domestic violence campaign and our students were given the opportunity to make posters and brochures and other communications around domestic violence.  One of the questions I put to my students was how can the cycle of family violence be broken and their answers were through the police, through social workers, through the school and all things external.  It did not occur to any of them that they could end the cycle of domestic violence with their choices.

The other thing was we did an education component through this and it was heart breaking to see how obviously dark my student's moods became through this and left me wondering what experiences they were remembering.

We also had a good look at what family violence does to infant and child development.  I had never looked into this or studied it before and it is shocking in terms of what it does to brain development. 

On the upside, there has been a huge increase in charges for domestic violence, meaning accountability to offenders and justice to victims.  Of course, statistic will read that as increased family violence, when what it is really measuring is increased empowerment for victims. 

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#11) On February 28, 2014 at 10:20 AM, lemoneater (77.43) wrote:

dwot, I'm thankful that you experiencing healing and had the opportunity for some enjoyable foreign travel. Travel and healing seems to go together. Now that I'm myself again I've had this strong desire to go places I've never been before. We've just renewed our passports. I'm excited about going to Bahamas in the end of April. I do have one stock related to that area CWCO.

By the way I've appreciated your insights on SE over the years.

"Time to reflect" how many crimes are done because of switched off executive function not thinking of others or oneself!

 

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#12) On February 28, 2014 at 7:15 PM, dwot (72.69) wrote:

lemoneater, I was just watching a Youtube on regulation of empathy, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihKslojA7mk.  I thought it made a lot of sense, depending on our relationship with others we regulate our empathy up and down.

 

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#13) On February 28, 2014 at 8:41 PM, dwot (72.69) wrote:

And I've remained out of the market, mostly because of not having the time to do research.  When I was in the market I was under employed and I put a lot of hours into it.  And I obviously have not felt motivated to "work" at the markets as my wages and pension have increased and my time is limited.  I think I will leave the north in somewhere between 3-8 more years after this school year, probably closer to the 8 years as I really like traveling and that is expensive.

I've also steered my finances in a different direction then the markets.  I own my home here and I have an apartment in Vancouver now.  So when I leave I will sell this home and have that cash to supplement retirement.  I have thought about renting this house out, as the current rental potential would be about a 12% return on investment, but it is way too hard to look after because of the distance.

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