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Quantitative Easing Explained

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January 07, 2009 – Comments (8)

This is a very amusing article by Adrian Ash from Bullion Vault

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By Adrian Ash Created 6 Jan 2009 - 09:11

Live from the Federal Reserve. You may find some scenes dis-comforting...

- WHAT on earth...?

- Sorry, if you could just keep turned to the wall...

- But what in the hell is that?!

- This? Why, it's the...ummm...it's the Easer!

- The what?

- The Easer. You know, for the Quantitative Easing. Now, if you could just keep facing the wall for me...

- Does it really have to be so big? Jeez, it looks...it looks medieval...

- Aw, but this is state of the art. Ground-breaking, in fact! And you are a very sick man, as we discussed. The blood-tests would prove it...if only we had time to wait for the lab to come back with the results.

- I don't know about this, doctor. I'm feeling kinda bloated already...

- Precisely the problem, my good man! If you were up-to-par today, you'd be feeling ravenous...gobbling down whatever slop the clinic's canteen was serving. But since you can't stomach any more down the usual route, then we'll just have to go in...well...go in the other way, as we doctors call it. You see the logic, of course.

- Hmm, I guess. But this Quantitive Easing...How does it work exactly?

- It's not quantitive, it's Quanti-tay-tive....and you must forgive me, but explaining this to a layman – even a smart guy like you, and a guy with such deep pockets too – really would take too long. We need to cut to the chase, see. There's not a moment to lose. Besides, I'm due on the golf course at three...

- There's really no other option?

- In technical terms, you should be dead by now. In fact, I'm not entirely sure that you aren't already...

- Can't we run through the alternatives first?

- The alternatives?! Look, I spoke with my colleague Dr. Paulson over at the renowned Washington Clinic across the street. I checked with Dr. King at the Threadneedle Clinic in London...y'know, just off Harley Street? Then I called Dr. Roth's team in Switzerland...Hell, I even rang the Chinese, just to see if there wasn't something I might be missing with tigers feet or panda roots or such like! But they all agreed. You need a mega-dose of quantité – and quick...

- A mega-dose of what?

- Of quantité. Y'know, from the French. As in Quantitative Easing. As in the treatment you've come for...to get your quantité eased...

- So this procedure is French?

- What's with all the questions? You're not here from 60 Minutes are you? I already got Dr. Paulson to sign the consent form for you. So if you could just face the wall, we can get started, and then I can hand you over to Dr. Obama's after-care clinic...

- I simply want to know what's happening...

- Jeez, okay, okay. The treatment was perfected in Japan about a decade ago. Y'know...shiatsu, Shiseido, ground wasabi, all that mineral extract stuff. Hell, you could walk of here today with the clear complexion of a Tokyo school girl! Well, maybe not walk exactly. Not today...- But will it work, doctor?
- Work? You just saw the size of The Easer, right? Thing is, the Japanese applied too little, too late. My analysis proves it...or rather, it would prove it...if only we could roll back the clock like I've rewound the US to the 1930s. But see, during the Depression, the clinical consensus for unblocking pipe-work was a diet of liquids and liquidation. Crazy, ain't it?! And in Japan, it was like 10 years before Tokyo dared to use The Easer. That's why the effect was so muted.

- Hang on...You mean Quantitative Easing has never actually cured anyone?

- Not in practice, no. But in theory? This is cutting edge. You're gonna make history! Really, this thing works magic. On my econometric models, it's already prevented the Great Depression and Japan's Lost Decade, too...

- You just said that it failed in Japan...

- Only in reality...

- Are you sure you know what you're doing? Are you even qualified?

- See that certificate on the wall up there?

- Graduate of Spring Break, 1978...?

- Just look at that gilt frame! See the workmanship...? Look hard now...keep looking...keep looking...and away...she...goes...!

- HEY! Now just hold on, Doctor Bernanke! I really am feeling much better today. Just a little run down, you know? And bloated, like I said. So I just can't see how yet more of your easing is going to help. I mean, Dr. Greenspan swore blind we were all done with ease and easing and easy after four years of the damn stuff back in 2005. But now look at me! Swollen and flabby...and with more gas than Russia. Really, all I think I need is a rest...

- A rest?! In your condition?! You'd freeze up entirely, man! Your entire Liboric system could shut down...

- My what?

- Your Liboric system. It could shut down. Entirely.

- You guys make it all sound so complicated...

- Aw, c'mon – just look at The Easer! You think this is rocket science?

- Looks more like a giant turkey baster...

- That's the spirit! I've always preferred goose, myself...Anyways, if you could just relax for me. Trust me, this will be so much easier if you just try to forget what's actually happening.

- That's what Dr. Greenspan said...

8 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On January 07, 2009 at 10:34 PM, vtBrunson (47.11) wrote:

Awesome post... you deserve more rec's

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#2) On January 07, 2009 at 11:34 PM, binv271828 (< 20) wrote:

vtBrunson, Thanks!. Yeah, I thought it was hilarious when I came across it, and I just had to share :) A lot of Adrian Ash's satirical articles are very funny.

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#3) On January 08, 2009 at 11:38 PM, DaretothREdux (42.53) wrote:

That was great. You get a rec from me for sure. Thanks for linking that, and feel free to read more of my blogs (all satire) and often politically charged.

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#4) On January 09, 2009 at 9:22 AM, binve (< 20) wrote:

Thanks! Yeah, your newest post has some great discussions on it!

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#5) On January 09, 2009 at 3:54 PM, smelton87 (< 20) wrote:

This is an interesting perspective on all of it:

 

http://experienceiseverything.blogspot.com/2009/01/japan-us-and-quantitative-easing-1908.html 

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#6) On January 09, 2009 at 4:05 PM, binve (< 20) wrote:

smelton87 Thanks for the link. That is a really interesting take on the situation. Becuase Japan's saving rate is much higher than the US's, the really bad impacts of their quantitative easing policies have been suppressed. But the article posits that eventually inflation will flame up there as well. Very interesting, thanks!

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#7) On January 13, 2009 at 12:08 PM, madcowmonkey (< 20) wrote:

Is the quantitative easing going by the wayside with the senators. The big question for everybody is where in the hell is all the money going. If they can't answer that, there is not enough KY to pull it off. Fun post binv!

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#8) On January 13, 2009 at 12:28 PM, binve (< 20) wrote:

Thanks madcow! Yeah it was a fun one to read. Adrian Ash has some fun stuff (and serious stuff too). Yeah, the Fed is getting ready to ramp up purchase of all kinds of commercial assets and long term treasuries. Next few months should be very interesting :)

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