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Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In (The Onion)

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July 15, 2008 – Comments (6) | RELATED TICKERS: SKF , SRS , HOV

Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In

July 14, 2008 The Onion

"WASHINGTON—A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.

"What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future," said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. "We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution."

The current economic woes, brought on by the collapse of the so-called "housing bubble," are considered the worst to hit investors since the equally untenable dot-com bubble burst in 2001. According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent.

"Perhaps the new bubble could have something to do with watching movies on cell phones," said investment banker Greg Carlisle of the New York firm Carlisle, Shaloe & Graves. "Or, say, medicine, or shipping. Or clouds. The manner of bubble isn't important—just as long as it creates a hugely overvalued market based on nothing more than whimsical fantasy and saddled with the potential for a long-term accrual of debts that will never be paid back, thereby unleashing a ripple effect that will take nearly a decade to correct."

"The U.S. economy cannot survive on sound investments alone," Carlisle added.

The rest is at the:  The Onion

 http://www.theonion.com/content/news/recession_plagued_nation_demands

6 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On July 15, 2008 at 10:09 AM, abitare (85.79) wrote:

"Perhaps the new bubble could have something to do with watching movies on cell phones," said investment banker Greg Carlisle of the New York firm Carlisle, Shaloe & Graves. "Or, say, medicine, or shipping. Or clouds. The manner of bubble isn't important—just as long as it creates a hugely overvalued market based on nothing more than whimsical fantasy and saddled with the potential for a long-term accrual of debts that will never be paid back, thereby unleashing a ripple effect that will take nearly a decade to correct."

Now take a look at DRYS - a two employee company with $3 billion dollar market  CAP.

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#2) On July 15, 2008 at 10:53 AM, imobillc (< 20) wrote:

Great post!

love "The Onion" !

We need more bubbles!

Mars

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#3) On July 15, 2008 at 11:53 AM, angusthermopylae (40.88) wrote:

Hmmmm....remember "The Man Who Sold the Moon?"  Perhaps, because we have a presence on Mars, I can start a new market for real estate...after all, RE money needs to go somewhere, right?

Yes, you too can have this wonderful view of Olympus Mons from your very own back yard.*  But you have to act now; lots are limited.

*(Not responsible for loss of property claim due to lack of transportation, non-occupancy, explosive decompression, or previous legal claim by aboriginal natives.)

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#4) On July 15, 2008 at 6:47 PM, Imperial1964 (98.26) wrote:

Beat you (and TMFBent) to it yesterday! :p

Hillarious.

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#5) On July 15, 2008 at 7:52 PM, abitare (85.79) wrote:

Imperial1964,

Sorry, I did a look around but did not see it. :(, but it is funny! 

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#6) On July 15, 2008 at 9:46 PM, lquadland10 (< 20) wrote:

Oh Aba, That was funny and the new bubble will be......Drum roll please. Alternative energy. Follow the money. As the Rockefeller family wants they get and it will be wind solar hydrogen and what not. Fool On.

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