Use access key #2 to skip to page content.

Starfirenv (< 20)

Short Joke on a Slow Nite- Maybe Two

Recs

21

March 09, 2011 – Comments (11)

New Cowboy Boots-

 

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different?  It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope.  Not a clue", she replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.  Shoulda bought a hat."

Chuckle #2-

   The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."
 She said, "You watch porn."
 Biotch. GRRR...

I can't decide which I like better. Thoughts? Best All

11 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On March 09, 2011 at 10:54 PM, HarryCaraysGhost (99.72) wrote:

HA,HA,HA!

Joke #1 for sure.

Report this comment
#2) On March 09, 2011 at 11:03 PM, Starfirenv (< 20) wrote:

Hey John, feel free to add your own. Any good ones going around Chi Town?

Report this comment
#3) On March 09, 2011 at 11:51 PM, HarryCaraysGhost (99.72) wrote:

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"

So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its average!"

Report this comment
#4) On March 09, 2011 at 11:54 PM, HarryCaraysGhost (99.72) wrote:

Polish girl comes home and tells her parents that shes pregnant.

Father asks- Are you sure it's yours?

Report this comment
#5) On March 10, 2011 at 12:03 AM, HarryCaraysGhost (99.72) wrote:

What three Chicago streets rhyme with vagina?

Melvina, Paulina and Lunt.

 

 

Report this comment
#6) On March 10, 2011 at 12:20 AM, Starfirenv (< 20) wrote:

John, I put this up last week but don't think it was seen.

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.

When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00

for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate', so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced:

"This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them," she said.

''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," the Manager said.

"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Report this comment
#7) On March 10, 2011 at 1:01 AM, HarryCaraysGhost (99.72) wrote:

Hey Mark,

You ever pick up your Ag props while spearfishing. Man, Ag prices have popped since our original convo. Congrats!

One more joke that I can think of on the spot-

Dalhi Llamma walks up to a Chicago hot-dog vendor.

Says make me one with everything.

Report this comment
#8) On March 10, 2011 at 8:56 AM, outoffocus (23.19) wrote:

The 2nd joke garnered the larger reaction, so #2 HAHAHAHA.

Report this comment
#9) On March 10, 2011 at 9:39 AM, checklist34 (99.73) wrote:

I only know one joke, well 2, here's the first one:

Little Bobby was a very happy boy, whose best friend was his pet frog, he played with that frog every day, watched it hop around, caught some bugs for it to eat, even let it sleep in his room.  

One day the mailman, doing his daily rounds, ran over the frog.  Bobby was devestated, for days he cried and sulked and didn't know what to do, he missed his frog so badly. 

Then one day, Bobby suddenly jumped up, with a huge grin on his face.  He walked straight down to the local brothel, with all of the money from his piggy bank, and said

"maam, I would like the cheapest, dirtiest, most diseased lady in the place, please"

shocked, the Madame replied "but, little boy, you have your whole life ahead of you, why would you want a disease?"

"well, maam, if I get a disease here, I can give it to my babysitter, and then she'll give it to my dad, and he'll give it to my mom, and she'll give it to the mailman..."

"and thats the SOB that ran over my frog"

Report this comment
#10) On March 10, 2011 at 9:41 AM, checklist34 (99.73) wrote:

hahaha at #6

Report this comment
#11) On March 10, 2011 at 11:18 AM, Starfirenv (< 20) wrote:

hahaha #9.
Re # 7- Well under way. I head back late April for another month. Should be a couple locked after that.

Report this comment

Featured Broker Partners


Advertisement