The letter you don't want to get.
Of course, you wouldn't if you subscribe to a Motley Fool investing service.
Dear [name of client],
This is the worst part of being an investment manager. I can't stand having to send this letter to investors.
As we discussed last year at the beginning of our business relationship, investment is risk. That is to say, markets are constantly fluctuating; the economy is often volatile in times of war; I tend to drink; stocks and commodities are not fixed-value assets; larger firms are constantly affecting the market share and value of an independent fund like ours; a sex worker is involved in my benders; because of an understood inherent risk, investments are not underwritten or insured by the FDIC; a recessive economy has affected certain markets that we both agreed to invest aggressively in; I have a cocaine habit; and, overall, now more than ever, there are no "secrets" to generating wealth, just cold, hard truths.
More at: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/1/17kennedy.html