Use access key #2 to skip to page content.

The most idiotic company description in CAPS



May 08, 2009 – Comments (9)

If you visit CAPS regularly like I do, chances are you have a huge "Watchlist" of stocks to serve as replacements when you make room in your portfolio (for the fun of it I always keep mine pinned at the 200 pick limit...why not).

My Watchlist had gotten completely out of control, to the point where I had several hundred ticker symbols on it.  So lately I've been trying to delete a couple at a time every time I log in an effort to whittle the list down to a manageable level.  I'm proud to say, or ashamed that I've procrastinated enough to, successfully get it down to 93 stocks. 

From time to time I come across a company that I have absolutely no recollection of adding to the list (it much be all of that beer) and I say to myself what in the heck is this company and what do they do.  I just came across one called CW.  When I clicked on it CAPS displayed the page for a company named "Curtiss-Wright Corp."  Here's the good's CAPS' description of what the company does:

The Company manages and evaluates its operations based on the products and services it offers and the different markets it serves.

What?!?!  HAHAHAHA.  I know that it's the end of a long work week, but is it just me or does this description make absolutely no sense whatsoever?

I'm off to happy hour and then to spend a nice weekend with the family.  See you all next week.


9 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On May 08, 2009 at 5:19 PM, outoffocus (23.90) wrote:

Wow. Thats like my describing my investing strategy as "selecting various equities based on varying macro and microeconomic factors".  Thanks for the laugh.

Report this comment
#2) On May 08, 2009 at 6:08 PM, goldminingXpert (28.80) wrote:

EEE (Evergreen Energy) always makes me laugh:

"The Company is leveraging a vertically integrated, coal-based platform to deliver combined energy, environmental and economic solutions, producing clean, efficient and affordable energy."

I think somebody assembled a few words for a business 101 class together. What on earth is a "vertically integrated coal-based platform" and how does one leverage it? Maybe they're writing alt-A rated derivative swaps on CO2 emission-based credit-default contracts insured by AIG?

Report this comment
#3) On May 08, 2009 at 6:10 PM, goldminingXpert (28.80) wrote:

On the topic of bogus science, I also call attention to SUF (Sulphco). Check this joke (sorry--mission statement) out:

"The Company is engaged in the business of developing and commercializing its patented and proprietary technology for the upgrading of crude oil by reducing its relative density, its viscosity, and its sulfur and nitrogen content."

Report this comment
#4) On May 08, 2009 at 6:18 PM, blake303 (28.58) wrote:

My favorites:

Courier Corp (CRRC)

The Courier Corporation and its subsidiaries are among America's book manufacturers and specialty publishers. The Company has two business segments: book manufacturing and specialty book publishing.

W.W. Grainger, Inc. (GWW)

The Company is in the service business. It distributes products used by businesses and institutions across North America to keep their facilities and equipment running.

Off to happy hour myself. Thanks for the laugh. Have a great weekend.

Report this comment
#5) On May 08, 2009 at 6:23 PM, FleaBagger (27.55) wrote:

Don't laugh, Ian. There's a real market for West Texanifying sludge crude. Now all Sulphco has to do is perfect their magical spells, and reduce the casting cost by at least 3 mana. Otherwise they won't have enough resources to tap.

outoffocus -

A better comparison would be to say "I manage and evaluate my investment portfolio based on the equities and derivatives I trade, and the different prices I'd like to buy them and sell them for." You were laconic enough that you almost made sense.

Deej - Thanks for the cartoons! I loved them.

Report this comment
#6) On May 08, 2009 at 6:24 PM, FleaBagger (27.55) wrote:

And the co. description was good, too. Nothing against that. ;)

Report this comment
#7) On May 08, 2009 at 6:44 PM, mgiv (40.96) wrote:

your cartoons sure say a lot.

Report this comment
#8) On May 08, 2009 at 7:03 PM, Imperial1964 (94.28) wrote:

Reminds me of a company I red-thumbed a couple years ago.  I don't remember what it was, but their description went something like the following:

We have no substantial operations of our own, but we are actively engaged in seeking out and partnering or merging with corporations with operations.

Basically they had racked up such huge recent losses that they had abandoned their entire business and were hoping to merge with somebody that could use the prior loss writeoff.

It was amazing how many CAPS points I was down on that piece of junk stock, too.  But as I remember I eventually booked it as a gain.

Report this comment
#9) On May 13, 2009 at 12:04 AM, DragontoadX (< 20) wrote:

Now all Sulphco has to do is perfect their magical spells, and reduce the casting cost by at least 3 mana. Otherwise they won't have enough resources to tap.

 They will also need to make sure not to move to their next phase without spending any mana already floating in their mana pool...

Report this comment

Featured Broker Partners