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The Poop; Collectively Crapping Ourselves.



June 09, 2009 – Comments (2) | RELATED TICKERS: GS , AIG , EPG

In a devastating blow to corporate executives everywhere, their plans to become beneficiaries of the progressive tax structure of the United States have been thwarted by the misguided attempts of the United States to force them to maintain their incomes at the highest levels in the country.

In this Donnernv post and others around the blogosphere, we learn that the top 1% of earners (the “rich”) are completely frustrated because theoretically,  93% of their tax dollars are paying a net benefit to the bottom 99% of taxpayers, with a net loss to themselves. Being the “best and brightest” among Americans they realize this is a gross injustice, which the “rich” have been trying to correct for decades. Clearly seeing the advantages of being among the bottom 50% of earners, who theoretically receive almost twice the benefit as taxes paid, they endeavored to correct this imbalance. With the failure of the success of lowering their income taxes for three consecutive decades a new tact was clearly needed.  With the typical business acumen exhibited by today’s Top Earners at financial firms, they concocted a plan to cheat each other by selling each other guaranteed products without having the money to honor those guarantees. Knowing when the value of said guarantees was removed from their products, the corporations would collapse into bankruptcy, taking their incomes with them. Finally they would achieve an income level where the benefits of a progressive tax structure would work for them.

As their ingenious plan unfolded they watched with glee as their assets eroded, their companies collapsed, and their options plummet. Too late they realized they had made many fatal errors. Smaller investors worldwide had caught on to their plan and were suffering the same equity losses along with them. Worse still, bottom 50%’rs were seeing their pension’s shrink, dividend incomes vanish and home equity collapse. As the “rich” became poorer, the “poorer” became poorer still, and making matters worse for the “rich”, the numbers of “poor” increased with each round of lay-offs, making it harder than ever to enter that elite group of poor successful tax beneficiaries.  

In the plans brightest hour, on the edge of a precipitous collapse, the Cruel Government in all it’s evil splendor had shattered their dream. Misguided Government had stolen the dream of being the taxpayer/beneficiary from them. Evil government thwarted them by taking money from the future of all taxpayers, and forcing it into their hands. Once refinanced, the Top 1%’rs were contractually forced to take paychecks and bonus’s, sometimes exceeding their wildest nightmares. Worse still the heartless Government arbitrarily, and without authority, chose to honor the implied (to involve or indicate by inference, association, or necessary consequence rather than by direct statement) guarantee of Fannie and Freddie and then invent an even larger guarantee for AIG.

Awash in the cash they had tried so desperately to lose, their worst nightmares were again realized. Gone was the dream of leaving the Country Club, the Corporate Jets, and the Business golf outings behind them. Gone was the dream of taking public transportation in all its filth, color, and character. The camaraderie of days spent on unemployment lines were snatched out of reach. Food stamps would never be theirs, or the powerful emotions earned of soothing a hungry infant. Left only with the unsatisfying choice of cutting coupons they would not need, their faces fell to the ground.

Now with the latest BOL statistics out, the “rich” learn that they have received an even greater percentage of the Nations income than in past years and have grown even richer. Through machinations designed only to create justice and equality for themselves, they now will be forced to pay an even greater share of the Nations taxes because they earn an even greater share of the Nations income. Worse still, investment losses not suffered by the poorest, will reduce that tax share going forward, moving them ever further from their dream of being tax/beneficiary positive.

Never ones to quit on a dream, the “rich” work harder now at achieving income they can lose. Unable to lose enough peoples retirement incomes in their pursuit of personal poverty, the “rich” pursue the dream of capturing income from the USA’s largest industry, health insurance investments, which are explicitly guaranteed by the Government. Finally a sure fire way to lose enough Government money to force the Government to tax millions into poverty is before them.

The Government is a crafty and malevolent force though and it may yet find a way to prevent their successful march to failure. An additional source of income must be found to lose. And that source is carbon trading. Fortunes could be made and lost manipulating carbon prices, and with those combined losses the dream of being taxpayer/beneficiary could be realized.

Most important though, is to not lose ground again in the march toward poverty. All effort must be made to show that additional taxes on the “rich” will only move them further from the American dream of benefitting more from America more than they contribute.


Shares of EPG, converters of BS into saleable products, sunk today on news of this flooding of the markets for BS.

All right we admit it. We here at the Devoish BS Market Watch, have been laughing so hard  we flooded the market, by Collectively Crapping Ourselves.

2 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On June 09, 2009 at 11:50 AM, outoffocus (23.06) wrote:

This post almost sounds like Dare wrote it. I love it. Darn that pesky government.

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#2) On June 09, 2009 at 12:18 PM, starbucks4ever (88.63) wrote:

And thay haven't even managed to lose income because GS  had hedged every bullish bet, and would have earned even more money from its own bankrupty.

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