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The Poop: Hacked



December 17, 2008 – Comments (6) | RELATED TICKERS: F , ED , UPS

I had hoped to be able to write The Poop at least once each day, but I found that spell checking, fact checking (Which matters for a report on BS?), hunt and peck typing, and the general dispensing of The Poop to take more time than I had thought it would. Also I failed to find any new crap inspirational. Essentially, I crapped out.

So to those of you who post every day, especially to those who post original work, I would like to pay my sincere respects for your ability to flush the crap out of our daily news services each day. The ability to dump a regular load each morning is truly something for which we are all thankful.

As I read more and more posts listing the ways the USA got into trouble, my concerns turned to how we should get out of trouble. Having established that the problem is (warning: BS alert ) clogged credit markets (phew, glad that BS is behind us) the easiest solution I thought would be to unclog them. Some sort of credit market Draino is needed, something that could be put into the credit markets, like lye into a toilet. The solution I thought, is dollars. They are cheap, and sink to the bottom where the clog is. Of course then I realized this "flushing" plan had already failed. $350bil dollars has been sunk into the problem and not unclogged anything. Many seem to think trying again is a good idea, with $350bil more dollars.

What these people fail to realize, is that credit markets are clogged with a different kind of crap. A special crap that cannot be just flushed away like dollars. Credit is not real. It is imaginary. It is hope. BS of course is real, and can be used over and over but credit cannot. And therein lies the problem. Because it is not real, it requires an unreal solution. Obviously.

Because linquistics matter, once credit is created it must then be called debt, and it is the debt which is nothing, and yet must be flushed away. As credit it was a thing of value, something desirable to have. Sought after BS if you will. As debt it is a horrible nightmare, crap spread everywhere, in the banks, on the reports, on the books just mucking the place up.

The solution to getting rid of all this debt is to leave the door unlocked. As we know people will steal your credit, or any other crap that you do not lock down. We learned today that MSFT has left the crap door open. We can be hacked. If a qualified hacker were to break into the debt vault, and steal all the debt, it would be gone. It had value as credit, so it must have value as debt. Or at least we must be able to convince someone that it does. And we are good at BS aren't we. As an expert BS watchdog I am emminently qualified to handle this problem. For a small fee, payable in gold, I will spread the BS that this debt has value. Once convinced, a hacker with just a few clicks on a keyboard will steal it. Then just as the credit left and became debt, when the debt leaves credit will return. And we have to hurry or this guy will steal all the banks debts first and we will miss our chance to get it all.

Shares of EPG, converter of BS into saleable products, remain unimpressed.

6 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On December 17, 2008 at 4:06 PM, HansHauge (43.10) wrote:

I posted about being crapped on today also...

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#2) On December 17, 2008 at 5:54 PM, outoffocus (23.80) wrote:

Well, first of all, people are already convinced that debt has value....via the US DOLLAR.  Remember the US Dollar is a Federal Reserve Note.  In other words debt.  Its backed by nothing but debt. And people are already convinced it has value because the Treasury has been borrowing like crazy and people and countries are lending.

So based on what you said, we should allow a hacker to hack into the US Treasury and steal all our debt?

Second, I'm not sure it is possible to flush all the crap out the system yet because all the crap has yet to hit the fan.  Therefore no one can smell it.  As long as no one can smell it, no one will be willing to flush it.  Sad but true.

So in this case maybe we should leave the bathroom door open?

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#3) On December 17, 2008 at 6:45 PM, guiron (39.82) wrote:

The bailouts of the financial sector are supposed to add liquidity, which is in turn supposed to help lending, but the heart of the issue isn't frozen credit, per se, it's lack of liquidity (the banks are, in fact, lending now, just not as much, and commercial loans are hard to come by). Then there is the issue of toxic assets which are yet to be revealed in the coming year, although now the government says it will buy the bad debt. Those two things should help prevent a meltdown. It will still take a long time before we're back to normal, which requires a lot more incentives and job creation.

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#4) On December 17, 2008 at 6:53 PM, guiron (39.82) wrote:

And, btw, history tells us that solving this problem requires hitting it again and again with massive injections of cash. We may very well avoid the worst of the problems if we do what some people loathe, and that is manage the economy for a while until it gets better. But a Keynesian economy without management isn't going to perform anyway, and we're not getting rid of the fed unless it all comes crashing down (in the realm of possibility), but in that case all bets are off.

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#5) On December 17, 2008 at 8:20 PM, devoish (71.47) wrote:

Thanks for the recs and replies. You are only encouraging me. 


Let's not start a run on the poop market until we scoop up what we can.


My plan is to steal the debt directly from the banks before the treasury gets it all and we have to buy it through the IRS. Your plan to get all the crap into the system and then flush is a good one. If there are other people in the house definitely close the bathroom door.


I am not sure I understand ur inalysys. I have always understood liquid nitrogen based fuels to be toxic as you say. I have had compaints from Cows Really Are People (CRAP) when I have tried hitting again and again, in order to get the BS moving. They say history does not tell us hitting helps, only that it has not been tried before.

I am not concerned the fed will crash. I am more concerned the fed is crashing US. Once the cows are fed we will know.

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#6) On December 17, 2008 at 8:28 PM, gman444 (28.22) wrote:

Well that was a fun video clip...before reading this post I was quite constipated, but you have cured me of that....thanks, man....

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