The Stock Market "SHAMWOW" will make ya say...
You heard of the SHAMWOW!? Well, I've been advertising the SHAMWOW! for decades and now I got a great new product. It's the "SHAMWOW!" for the Stock Market.
What's that? You got some yucky stains in your portfolio from holding shares of CITIGROUP at $8.50 a share? Satyam Computers bought at $60? Whole Foods bought at $36? Well, the Stock Market SHAMWOW! will make you say WOW! Here's how it works...
First you apply the SHAMWOW! against your monitor screen and aggressively apply pressure, pounding your fist against the Stock Market SHAMWOW!, and presto! Your monitor screen shatters and you'll never have to look at your share prices dropping again. Wow!
Peel off the Stock Market SHAMWOW! and look underneath.... Nothing there but the broken shards of your Computer Monitor. Leaves no messy odors or stains left by a miserably performing stock portfolio ever again!
But, that's not all the Stock Market SHAMWOW! is good for. Return your broken monitor to Best Buy and get yourself a new one and you'll more than Triple what it cost you to buy 1 share of Citigroup. I mean.. WOW!
Plus, when you apply the Stock Market SHAMWOW! against your screen your portfolio will leave an imprint on the Stock Market SHAMWOW! This allows you to mail in some HATE MAIL + the Stock Market SHAMWOW! to your Brokeridge Firm.... That'll Teach em!
But, that's not all... Order your Stock Market SHAMWOW today and we'll throw in a "Do-it Yourself" Madoff Ponzi Scheme Start-up Kit....for FREE! You heard me.... Free! That's a $50 Billion Dollar Start-Up kit + we'll give you 3 Stock Market SHAMWOWs! for just $19.99.
So... Your portfolio sucks? Everything in it is making you lose money?
Not no more! You'll never have to look at your stock portfolio ever again once you try the Stock Market SHAMWOW!... And in the meantime our Do-It Yourself Madoff Ponzi Scheme Start-Up Kit will gain you back everything you lost plus enough money to buy 3 Yahcts, 12 Mansions, and a large garage full of your favorite Sports Cars in Triplicate.
Customer 1: "When I lost 40% of my money in my Retirement 401K account, I couldn't take it any more. I bought the SHAMWOW! and WOW! I never have to worry again about my savings."
Customer 2: "I tried the Do-it Yourself MADOFF Ponzi Scheme Start-up kit on my next door neighbor and took everything he was worth in the first few minutes. This Kit really, really, works!