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alstry (< 20)

This is very funny.....and who said there is no humor in reality.



April 26, 2010 – Comments (11)

Somali Pirates Disclose They Are A Subsidiary Of Goldman Sachs NORFOLK, VIRGINIA - Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.

There was an audible gasp in court when the leader of the pirates announced, "We are doing God's work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein."

The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis' work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.

"We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday," the pirate said.

The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, "plus to get our share of the bailout money."

In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.

"There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates," one government source said. "But if they're bankers, our hands are tied."

11 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On April 26, 2010 at 3:19 PM, vriguy (68.89) wrote:

LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#2) On April 26, 2010 at 3:24 PM, alstry (< 20) wrote:

Once we find out we bailed out the guys who stole from us...we will be ready to proceed to the digital age.

Crazy...remembeer when that doom and gloomer Alstry was warning that we were bailing out the Madoffs?

It is so much better being Alstrymous......unless of course you are rich right now and you somehow think you are going  to be rich in a few months once you find out you have been Madoffed.

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#3) On April 26, 2010 at 3:28 PM, starbucks4ever (87.71) wrote:

Finally, a great post from alstry!

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#4) On April 26, 2010 at 3:43 PM, catoismymotor (< 20) wrote:

Well found! I laughed most heartily, arrrrrrrgh!

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#5) On April 26, 2010 at 4:10 PM, alstry (< 20) wrote:

Prepare for Marshall Martial Law as we enter the digital age......where everyone is equal before an M-16.

Two state representatives called on Gov. Pat Quinn Sunday to deploy the Illinois National Guard to safeguard Chicago's streets.

Chicago Democrats John Fritchey and LaShawn Ford said they want Quinn, Mayor Richard Daley and Chicago Police Supt. Jody Weis to allow guardsmen to patrol streets and help quell violence. Weis said he did not support the idea because the military and police operate under different rules.

"Is this a drastic call to action? Of course it is," Fritchey said. "Is it warranted when we are losing residents to gun violence at such an alarming rate? Without question. We are not talking about rolling tanks down the street or having armed guards on each corner."

What he envisions, Fritchey said, is a "heightened presence on the streets," particularly on the roughly 9 percent of city blocks where most of the city's violent crimes occur.

Weis previously identified those "hot spots" and said he plans to create a 100-person team made up of selected and volunteer police personnel to respond to crime there. If guardsmen were to assist police, they could comprise or contribute to that force, Fritchey said.

So far this year, 113 people have been killed across Chicago, the same number of U.S. troops killed in Iraq and Afghanistan combined in the same period, Fritchey said.

"As we speak, National Guard members are working side-by-side with our troops to fight a war halfway around the world," Fritchey said. "The unfortunate reality is that we have another war that is just as deadly taking place right in our backyard." While the National Guard has been deployed in other states to prevent violence related to specific events and protests, the Chicago legislators said they are unaware of guardsmen being deployed to assist with general urban unrest.

Weis countered that the only scenario in which the National Guard would be helpful is in the situation of a tornado, earthquake or flood. If the military were brought in to help with city violence, they wouldn't answer to police command -- creating a "major disconnect" in mission and strategy.

Alluding to the 1970 Kent State University incident where the National Guard was called in and protestors and students were shot, Weis said having guardsmen handle crime could be "disastrous." But he said if the Daley suggested it, he would consider the option.

"I'm open to anything that reduces violence. But I have concerns when you mix law enforcement and the military," Weis said.

But Fritchey and Ford said prompt action is needed because summer is right around the corner and with the warm weather comes an increase in violence.

Fritchey and Ford serve two different constituencies, representing the North Side and the West Side respectively. "One half of this city views this as a part of daily life," Fritchey said. "Another part of the city doesn't care because it doesn't affect them." Yet the lawmakers said they are coming together because gun violence should be a priority to all Chicagoans.

"No help is too much help" Ford said. "This is not just about the murders. It's about the crime. It's about people being stabbed, robbed and in the hospital on life support."

Fritchey said he spoke to representatives from Quinn's office about deploying guardsmen and they "seemed open to the idea." The lawmakers had yet to speak to Weis or the mayor's office.

"I don't anticipate the governor implementing it over the objection of the mayor," Fritchey said.

"I hope this doesn't become a territorial issue. I hope this doesn't become an ego issue. This isn't about public relations or politics. This is about reclaiming our communities."

Remember when that Doom and Gloomer Alstry was warning about Marshall Law....and others were saying it was martial that it is upon is we learn it could be both........

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#6) On April 26, 2010 at 6:32 PM, leo744 (< 20) wrote:

Hahahahahahah...boom!........fell out of my chair....LOL!!!

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#7) On April 26, 2010 at 11:51 PM, alasker (< 20) wrote:

hey alstry-

we talked about this a few months ago. did you catch the link on drudgereport about tele-medicine. you mentioned how they already do this with x-rays and I mentioned visiting nurses does this. Looks like it is going widespread- just have to outsource the people who will be doing primary care



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#8) On April 27, 2010 at 3:59 AM, alstry (< 20) wrote:


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#9) On April 27, 2010 at 9:03 AM, alasker (< 20) wrote:

hey Alstry

Why in the world would the russians create something like this as described from I know you love geopolitical game changers. I'm not sure what to make of this but glad we inspect every cargo container entering our ports or crossing our borders or within 400km of our borders from ships at sea.


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#10) On April 27, 2010 at 12:47 PM, AdirondackFund (< 20) wrote:

Satire always works best at tops.  Sorry to see you have left 'the fool' Alstry.  We have all missed you mightily since your departure from 'the fool'. 

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#11) On April 28, 2010 at 3:38 AM, MGDG (32.81) wrote:

Great satire alstry. Thanks for the blog.

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