Tired of getting paid 2% or more by high-yielding dividend stocks?
Do you hate the liquidity of holding cash, and its being too damn available all the time? Fearful that gold is becoming a barbarous relic? Try the new 1.56%-yielding 10-year U.S. Treasurys! Guaranteed not to lose any value (unless they do), and backed by the full faith of your trusty U.S. Federal Government, these fine bonds will keep you in bondage for a decade. You won't have to worry about making too much money, because they yield practically nothing! That means a low tax liability! If you like the supply/demand ratio of a commodity with an infinite supply, these T-bonds are for you! Worried about finding space for more? Don't worry: Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke (The Bernank to his friends) can just add some to your account on a computer, with no space limitations! If we can imagine a number, we can copy that many T-bonds just like it!
Don't settle for imitations. German bonds? They don't even know the name of their own country! They think it's Deutschland! Ha! More like Doucheland. And Japan? Yeah right! Do you want Godzilla smashing your bond portfolio? Buy American! Buy today! But hurry: at these prices, they may not last long.