StockMillionare (< 20)

Wall Street Jokes

December 09, 2010 – Comments (0) | RELATED TICKERS: AAPL , GOOD , BAC

We've been on a nice run lately, maybe we can all have a laugh now hmmm?

Lay your best Wall Street jokes we can vote on which is the most funny, sound good, yes?

I'll throw a few out for critique:

 I know that I have seen this one on the Internet. 

 

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced his altitude and saw a man below. “Excuse me, but can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am,” he said.

The man below replied: “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude.”

To which the balloonist replied “You must be a broker.”

To which the man on the ground said: “I am, but how did you know?”

The reply came from above: “Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The man below responded: “You must be a trader.”

To which the balloonist replied: “Yes, I am, but how did you know?”

To which the man on the ground said: “You don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

 

“Why couldn’t the Bear protect his stern?”

“He was trying to shake the s*** off his paws.”

 

 

 A man was walking on the dock of the Wall St. marina admiring the big, expensive boats that filled the slips. He approached a marina employee and asked, “Hey, who would buy such wonderful expensive vessels and let them sit idle like this?” The ee replied “Oh, all the Wall St. guys have boats like these – a couple million each to buy, and then tens of thousands to keep them up. Wonderful guys, wonderful customers. But, they work so hard making money for their clients that owners never have time to use them.” The visitor thinks for a second and asks, “So where are the clients’ boats?” The ee condescends, “Clients can’t afford boats.”

  A successful stockbroker parked his brand-new Porsche in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. 

As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. 

The stockbroker immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. 

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the stockbroker started screaming hysterically. 

His Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined. 

When the stockbroker finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 

"I can not believe how materialistic you stock brokers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." 

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the stockbroker. 

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." 

"My God!" screamed the stockbroker. "My Rolex!"

 

Let's hear your best Wall Street Jokes, yes?