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EnigmaDude (59.08)

Why LightSquared doesn't matter



October 12, 2011 – Comments (0) | RELATED TICKERS: GRMN , T , S

If you are not already familiar with LightSquared and the controversy surrounding their FCC waiver to bandwidth spectrum for a 4G network that interferes with GPS devices, do yourself a favor and look them up.  Meanwhile, enjoy the post below that was sent around to our Colorado-based technical community who believe that the impact to GPS signals is an outrage and are fighting an "epic battle" to prevent that from happening (which resulted in a flurry of emails!)

According to the Mayan Calendar on Dec 21, 2012 the world will end because Light Square will defeat GPS in an epic war. The battle began on Sept 26 in Colorado, when several GIS users began posting dumb topics on Light Square which caused Bigfoot to get upset. Bigfoot decided that his inbox was getting clogged up with dumb emails so he went on a vicious rampage in the national forest in Colorado.


This rampage caused politicians to scramble and create the first anti-bigfoot law. The democrats tried to filibuster the law but Jackie Chan and Christopher Columbus decided to invent a time machine to stop the democrats from ever taking power in the election of 2008. The time machine broke trapping Jackie and Chris in 1492.  Columbus knew what he had to do. So he set sail for the new world with Jackie Chan. Upon arriving in the new world Columbus met up with the Mayans and became their prophet and told them the future will end because of Light Square. The Mayans decided to put the doomsday date as Dec 21, 2012. (This was a secret mission by Columbus that isn’t in the history books.) Upon Columbus’s death bed he told Jackie Chan that if light square isn’t stopped he should summon Captain Planet with saying the words; Earth, Fire, wind, water, and Heart.


Jackie Chan summons Captain Planet but it wasn’t Captain Planet, it was Captain America. Captain America was pretty pumped to stop the onslaught of Light Square.  Captain America was our country’s greatest hope, the hope that Obama promised and foreseen in his first Presidential election.  Captain America could not defeat Light Square because he needed training. He began to train in MMA and with the help of steroids he created a new technique called the raster slam. (The raster slam is more powerful than any nuclear bomb or caffeinated energy drink).


Captain America used raster slam on Light Square, but Light Square had a secret, he had the help of Captain Planet. Captain Planet was jealous of Captain America because he felt there should be only one Captain (like the highlander). For years Captain Planet had secretly been killing other captains, such as Captain Kirk, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan, and even Captain Ahab (the dude from Moby dick).  The Captains were a part of a secret society known as the Captains. Captain Planet wanted to be the best so he knew Captain America was his greatest threat.


Captain Planet easily defeated Captain America with a vector choke. But light square after the epic battle of “THE Captains”, betrayed CaptainPlanet because light square wanted all the power and did not want to create Captain Planet statue in his honor.  BUT Captain Planet had superpower insurance from Lloyds of London and with his money he opened a chain of McDonalds.


The world was doomed, unless GIS users bond together, there is no one who can stop the juggernaut of light square not even John Wayne, Michelle Bachman, or Tim Tebow. 


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