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Turfscape (42.22)

Worst Holiday Songs

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December 10, 2009 – Comments (36) | RELATED TICKERS: CHRS , MAS , SNG

It's the most wonderful time of the year, as they say, but so very much bickering over politics and climate change and some cat named Alstry has left me feeling less than Jolly. So, I'm posting a "sure-to-inspire-that-warm-fuzzy-feeling" blog on a topic about which I'm sure we all can agree: The Worst Holiday* Songs Ever!

(* I'm stating "Holiday" not Christmas, because Hannukah can inspire bad music just as readily as Xmas can)

The top 5 most horrid pieces of dreck disguised as Holiday music (in order from least worst to worst):

#5 - Elton John, Step Into Christmas: Hey Elton, simply putting the word Christmas into a song does not make it a Christmas song.

#4 - Paul McCartney/Wings, Wonderful Christmastime: Discordant, awkward timing and rythym, half-key difference between vocal and keyboard...whole thing just sounds more geared towards Halloween than Christmas

#3 - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (Various Artists): Kids singing about witnessing their mother "cheat" on their father is not cute, nor funny. I'd rather listen to the tired joke of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" another 16,000 times...and I hate "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer".

#2 - Newsong, The Christmas Shoes: Holy Crap! This song is saccharin-coated sugar drenched in high-fructose corn syrup. It's like a copy of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" with puppies and unicorns drawn in the margins. If insipidness had a theme song, this would be it.

#1 - Wham, Last Christmas: Oww, ouch, stop, please please pppllleeeeeaaasse! I promise I'll do whatever you ask, as long as you stop this song NOW! How much more antithetical to a holiday can a song get?

Okay...your turn (remember, each post is a dime in the bucket for Thurgood Marshall Academy!)

36 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On December 10, 2009 at 12:42 PM, lemoneater (79.35) wrote:

The only song on your list I'm familiar with is #3. I'm not fond of it either, but just to set your mind at rest, Mommy really was kissing Daddy after all.

My least favorite Christmas song is "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree."  Evidently it was written before I was born, since it was made in 1958. But one Christmas in the 90's, all the local radio stations re-discovered it and no matter what station you played every station had it. It was everywhere. Arrgh!

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#2) On December 10, 2009 at 12:45 PM, lemoneater (79.35) wrote:

On the other side of the picture, my favorite Christmas carol is the "First Noel." I know it has a lot of verses. But I have a very special personal reason that I like it :).

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#3) On December 10, 2009 at 12:48 PM, neskolf (29.90) wrote:

I'd have to go with #4, with 'Simpsons Christmas Boogie' running a close second.

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#4) On December 10, 2009 at 1:00 PM, TMFJake (77.36) wrote:

I'm someone who can't help but play holiday tunes this time of year--not an admission that I'm particularly proud to make.  I love the classics:  Rat Pack, Ventures, Temptations, Elvis, Bing, and, yes I'm saying it, The Partridge Family!  

I agree with your list except for #4. I like the McCartney/Wings song for all the reasons you don't.  It's different.

The Elmo and Patsy Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer song would be my number one most hated holiday track.

And I can't wait to get my hands on the Bob Dylan holiday cd that he's releasing this year.  An instant classic I'm sure!

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#5) On December 10, 2009 at 1:03 PM, catoismymotor (36.32) wrote:

The Porky Pig version of Blue Christas is bad, but it makes me laugh.

Whatever the nonsense song is called that is played at the end of The Grench That Stole Christmas cartoon is bloody awful.

And I don't like how the carolers are going to turn into squatters if they don't get figgy pudding in We Wish You A Merry Christmas. It typifies an aspect of the holiday that I find unappealing.

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#6) On December 10, 2009 at 1:07 PM, outoffocus (23.72) wrote:

#4 - Paul McCartney/Wings, Wonderful Christmastime: Discordant, awkward timing and rythym, half-key difference between vocal and keyboard...whole thing just sounds more geared towards Halloween than Christmas

OMG I HATE that song.  The music in that song sounds like there are 2 people standing over me hitting me on the head with tinfoil pans. 

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#7) On December 10, 2009 at 1:09 PM, outoffocus (23.72) wrote:

Also, those carolers on the Best Buy commericials are absolutely terrible.  Sorry but someone had to say it.

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#8) On December 10, 2009 at 1:10 PM, catoismymotor (36.32) wrote:

Outoffocus, nothing makes me mute the TV faster than one of those commercials.

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#9) On December 10, 2009 at 1:14 PM, lemoneater (79.35) wrote:

Let me add that I dislike all "I want for Christmas is my two front teeth..." Perhaps it is a cute song for somebody, but not if you are on the receiving end, and have it jeeringly sung to you. Childhood can be traumatic. I have most of my teeth, but I still have re-occuring nightmares that all my teeth have fallen out in my sleep. Having your teeth loosened by braces can do that to you. I'm sure that there is a support group somewhere that can help! 

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#10) On December 10, 2009 at 1:17 PM, kwill10 (76.07) wrote:

I was in a Kroger last year and heard a song, "Put your love on layaway".  Yes, it was as bad as the title suggests.

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#11) On December 10, 2009 at 1:20 PM, djkumquat (42.01) wrote:

i consider myself fortunate to have never heard the elton john song. have no idea about newsong, either. i can live with mommy kissing santa claus since santa is actually daddy. and it's kinda swingin'. the wings and wham songs are terrible and certainly belong on the list (and now i'll probably have them stuck in my head all day). an elmo christmas song has got to be terrible. glad i haven't heard that, either. and i'm sure the chipmunks butchered at least one holiday tune.

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#12) On December 10, 2009 at 1:24 PM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

catoismymotor wrote:
"And I don't like how the carolers are going to turn into squatters if they don't get figgy pudding in We Wish You A Merry Christmas."

Yes! A rather conditional bit of holiday well-wishing, too! "I'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas...provided you feed me"

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#13) On December 10, 2009 at 1:35 PM, TMFCHarris (99.57) wrote:

I've always kind of liked Wonderful Christmastime, but never really thought of it as a "Christmas" song.  Also, if you asked me what the chorus is, all I could say is "umm, kinda electronic-y?"

I'd add "The Little Drummer Boy" to the list in its place. Even with Bing Crosby and David Bowie, it's still an 11 on the ridiculous-schmaltz-o-meter.  No one, in my opinion, can sing this song without taking themselves way too seriously.

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#14) On December 10, 2009 at 1:46 PM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

TMFCHarris wrote:
"No one, in my opinion, can sing this song without taking themselves way too seriously."

Gotta give that crown to the Bob Seger version...melodrama galore

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#15) On December 10, 2009 at 1:52 PM, catoismymotor (36.32) wrote:

Lemon, don't worry. If that happens you'll be in good company. After all, you do live in South Carolina. :)

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#16) On December 10, 2009 at 2:05 PM, TMFJake (77.36) wrote:

@lemoneater: +1 On All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth.  That might be my number one worst all time.  Ack, I feel a migraine coming on just having you mention it.

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#17) On December 10, 2009 at 2:27 PM, JohnnyAngel33 (22.38) wrote:

John Lennon's "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)"

First off its suppose to be "Christ"mas not Xmas.

Secondly it features Yoko Ono.

Third, its just sounds plain bad. 

Fourth, you aren't fooling anyone, we know it's just another hippie anti-war song.

Why people consider this song a classic I cannot understand.

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#18) On December 10, 2009 at 2:38 PM, chk999 (99.98) wrote:

The Beach Boys song "Little Saint Nick" warrants an honorable mention in this competition. Here is a snippet from the lyrics.

Just a little bobsled, we call it ol' Saint Nick
But she'll walk a tobogan with a four speed stick
She's ol' candy apple red with a ski for a wheel
And when Santa hits the gas, man, just watch her peel.


It's the little Saint Nick little Saint Nick
It's the little Saint Nick little Saint Nick

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#19) On December 10, 2009 at 2:46 PM, caterpillar10 wrote:


  http://video.aol.com/video-detail/im-keeping-kosher-for-christmas/2737877413?flv=1 also like Ed 'Kooky' Burns' - Hipster Nite B4 Xmas - but can't find w/o massive search & no time....... 

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#20) On December 10, 2009 at 2:56 PM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

chk999 wrote:
"The Beach Boys song "Little Saint Nick" warrants an honorable mention in this competition"

You know, I've never actually looked at, or seriously thought about, the lyrics to that one before. Looking at it in print like that...it's really kind of a stupid song, isn't it?

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#21) On December 10, 2009 at 3:01 PM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

JohnnyAngel33 wrote:
"First off its suppose to be "Christ"mas not Xmas."

Well, I feel compelled to point out that 'X' has been an appropriate abbreviation for "Christ" since the earliest centuries. 'X', in this instance, is "chi", which is the first letter in "Christ" in the Greek language. It's not some modern invention to disrespect christ...it's a long-long-standing tradition that modern christians tend to ignore.

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#22) On December 10, 2009 at 3:04 PM, Dafluffernut2 (< 20) wrote:

I personally hate "Santa Baby": I keep wanting to tell her to quit the olderst profession, get a job and maybe she can buy her own danged ring.

And don't get me started on "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"/

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#23) On December 10, 2009 at 4:48 PM, lemoneater (79.35) wrote:

@12 "figgy pudding" was changed into "chocolate pudding" by the caroling group I went with once as a child in WV. Nobody was sure what exactly figgy pudding was and chocolate sounded nicer to eat:)

Since then I have had authentic Christmas pudding which is more like a cake than a pudding in texture. What fun!

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#24) On December 10, 2009 at 5:02 PM, lemoneater (79.35) wrote:

@15 & 16 Thanks guys, you are my support group! I knew I wasn't alone. Kudos to Turfscape for a really fun blog! It was a high point in a busy day.

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#25) On December 10, 2009 at 5:27 PM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

lemoneater wrote:
"Kudos to Turfscape for a really fun blog! It was a high point in a busy day."

Now I am truly filled with Christmas spirit...glad I could add to your day.

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#26) On December 10, 2009 at 5:43 PM, selfdestruct2 (49.83) wrote:

The Bing Crosby/ David Bowie version of " The Little Drummer Boy" is the worst song ever made, period. I cannot believe how absolutely awful it sounds.

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#27) On December 11, 2009 at 10:38 AM, isusan (< 20) wrote:

My vote is for some old song I heard once about a child begging his Dad not to get drunk on Christmas again...beyond depressing! And those barking dogs got real old, real fast.

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#28) On December 11, 2009 at 11:06 AM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

isusan wrote:
"And those barking dogs got real old, real fast."

Okay, I had to think for a minute about what this meant...and now I can't get the stupid barking version of "Jingle Bells" outta my head!

Rowf-rowf-rowf.....rowf-rowf-rowf.....rowf-ROOF-woof-rowf-WOOF!

Damn you dogs!

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#29) On December 11, 2009 at 1:07 PM, lemoneater (79.35) wrote:

You're welcome, Turfscape :)

Does everyone remember the Christmas with all the mechanical singing/dancing fish for sale everywhere? Beyond strange!

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#30) On December 16, 2009 at 6:11 PM, mawnck (< 20) wrote:

I've always had a problem with Feliz Navidad and Mele Kalikimaka. If you're going to write a song, don't stop after 8 lines so that people have to sing it over and over and over and over and ...

But the bottom line is, you're unqualified to post in this topic if you have never heard "Jesus is my Santa Claus."

But carry on anyway. We're spreading Christmas cheer with bad music here, and 10 cents is 10 cents.

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#31) On December 16, 2009 at 6:28 PM, mawnck (< 20) wrote:

By the way ... four fun things to listen for on the Muzak when you're in the mall fighting over the last Zhu Zhu Pet:

(1) I'll Be Home for Christmas - Everybody puts the presents in a different place ... under the tree, by the tree, neath the tree, round the tree ... but the correct lyric is ON the tree. (Which explains why everybody feels the need to change it.)

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#32) On December 16, 2009 at 6:28 PM, mawnck (< 20) wrote:

(2) Jingle Bell Rock - Has a descending tritone at the words "has begun." It's very difficult to sing a descending tritone. It's not often found in nature, and in JBR it's against a rather odd jazz chord. Most singers blow it, or wuss out and deliberately sing something else.

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#33) On December 16, 2009 at 6:28 PM, mawnck (< 20) wrote:

(3) Santa Claus is Coming To Town - is twice as long as you think. See if you can catch somebody singing the whole song, which starts with the line "I just got back from a lovely trip ..."

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#34) On December 16, 2009 at 6:29 PM, mawnck (< 20) wrote:

(4) Jingle Bells - has 4 verses. The fourth one ("Now the ground is white") is rarely sung (although the Chipmunks did) and the third one ("A day or two ago, this story I must tell") is almost NEVER sung because it sucks (although Arthur Godfrey did). But what you ABSOLUTELY never hear is the original melody as the guy wrote it in 1857: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdR5rCJLvc0

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#35) On December 16, 2009 at 6:30 PM, mawnck (< 20) wrote:

60 cents.

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#36) On December 16, 2009 at 6:32 PM, Turfscape (42.22) wrote:

Very interesting facts, mawnck. Thanks for the tidbits!

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