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The Company provides a range of retail and commercial banking as well as other financial services through its wholly-owned, federally-chartered savings bank subsidiary, First Niagara Bank.
In the short term they will undoubtedly benefit from the integration of the former HSBC branches. They are also likely to derive short-term competitive advantage from paper statement fees ($4), check-scanning fees ($5), account maintenance fees ($ various) and similar charges, as well as financing the souls of customers who have foolishly tried to close their accounts ($ soul forfeiture). However, in the long-term the top line will suffer as the sulphurous flames coming from doors and windows of all branch locations, not to mention the plaintive cries of tortured souls imprisoned within, deter mortals from entering and thereby incurring the branch entering fee ($8). It need hardly be pointed out that this will hurt their mortgage business. FNFG can also expect fewer customers passing through through the regional Hellmouth (Stygian ferry fee, $15, payable in ancient Greek obols, subject to a 35% currency exchange commission), undergoing the Judgment of Rhadamanthus ($3.50, limited time promotional rate) and plunging into the lake of fire (unspecified service charges). I also have concerns about their ability to maintain the regional customer base as Western New York becomes a blighted wasteland in which no plant will grow, wandered by a few gaunt and pitiful figures clutching their $4 paper statements and wailing wordlessly to a deaf heaven.
Nicely done. Former depositor?
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