H.J. Heinz Company (NYSE:HNZ.DL)

CAPS Rating: No stars

It remains the country’s condiment king, but Heinz also produces soups, sauces, frozen meals, infant food, and other products.


Player Avatar jvaskonen (33.80) Submitted: 3/7/2009 2:40:12 AM : Underperform Start Price: $37.57 HNZ.DL Score: -86.90

I must say. I gave Heinz a thumbs-down because I hate ketchup. This, like so many others, seems to be a point where me and the rest of the country disagree. Tomato + Sugar = Nasty nasty bairly edible stuff. Given the sour score I've made on this stock so far, I guess that America's love affair with the devil's sauce is not over. I still, however, long for the day when ketchup will no longer be foisted upon me every time I order fries. I am pretty sure all of Heinzes profits for the last 2 quarters are sitting under my desk in the form of uneaten ketchup packets that I do not have the heart to throw away because I was taught not to throw away food -- which tomato-coloured corn syrup somehow still qualifies as.

However, if the blessed day ever comes that one can order some fries without having that ghastly slop thrown in for "free," Heinz stock will drop, and my caps will soar. I expect that day to come shorty after everyone finally gets a dvorak keyboard layout fired up on their linux desktop machines... I would have rated those stocks too, but Dvorak is dead and Linux is brought to us by a bunch of commies.

Thus ends my non-pitch.

Actually, it does not end it. I can't help but add this. If you eat ketchup voluntarily -- there is something wrong with you.

Member Avatar georcole (45.74) Submitted: 12/2/2009 12:17:36 PM
Recs: 1

I find this a very entertaining "pitch". I totally disagree on the taste of ketchup, but for the entertainment value alone I will give you a rec. I am actually looking into adding this into my CAPS portfolio with a green thumb. Best of luck to you.

By the way, just give those extra ketchup packets to other people who will use them or don't mind throwing them away. Yes, there is something wrong with me. I enjoy ketchup, but I don't care for hotdogs and hamburgers that much. I'm gonna go have some french fries now.

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