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catoismymotor (34.75)

Gold Is Worthless? I Am Going To Start A Crime Spree!

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23

July 26, 2010 – Comments (22) | RELATED TICKERS: CPB , FLO , AAPL

Gold Is Worthless? I Am Going To Start A Crime Spree!

 

I am shocked that so many of my fellow fools are claiming that gold has no value. None! According to you I spent all that time drooling over the offerings from APMEX over nothing. Clearly some of my favorite fools lead me astray, right into the arms of the harlot named Gold. I am so mad I think I could cry. I’m talking to you Graley and Sinchy!

 

But I will not cry. I will become a new super villain. I will be known as the Sundries Bandit. Instead of smash and grabs at the jewelry stores at the mall I will raid the canned meats and veggies isles at the local grocers. I will sweep the shelves of all the all purpose flour and russet potatoes! No bag of chips will be safe from me!

 

I will sit on my pantry of ill gotten groceries and await the Obamapacalypse*. When DJIA hits 1,000 and zombies roam the streets I will be rich!!! I will start by taking my canned good to one of those Cash for Soup places on the wrong side of town. I will pawn bag after bag of Cheezy Poofs. I might even open an Etsy store! All of you that own and hold gold will beg me to sell you a loaf of bread for one of your precious gold five ounce rounds. *Evil Maniacal Laughter*

 

When all this comes to pass I promise you Campbell Soup Company (CPB) and Flowers bakery (FLO) will be more powerful than Apple (AAPL). Mark my words!!!

 

With Great Fondness,

 

Cato, The Sundries Bandit

  

* - If John McCain had been elected I would refer to the future collapse as the McCain Mutiny, so get off your high horse.

22 Comments – Post Your Own

#1) On July 26, 2010 at 11:32 AM, outoffocus (22.85) wrote:

+1

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#2) On July 26, 2010 at 11:45 AM, djemonk (< 20) wrote:

 I will start by taking my canned good to one of those Cash for Soup places on the wrong side of town

+1 for "Cash For Soup"  

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#3) On July 26, 2010 at 11:50 AM, Mstinterestinman (< 20) wrote:

Lmao I love it +1

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#4) On July 26, 2010 at 1:52 PM, lemoneater (78.93) wrote:

I'm only interested in your soup if it is MSG free.

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#5) On July 26, 2010 at 2:06 PM, catoismymotor (34.75) wrote:

Lemon,

I am only a soup thief. I do not control the MSG. Would you ask a jewel thief if his stones are blood diamonds? I think not. Your only concern would be getting the stones for 25% of market value so you could mark them up to make a most handsome profit.

Speaking of soup: I have a lovely can of Chicken Corn Chowder that may interest you. Normally it sells at Kroger for $2.25. For you I'll sell it for $1.05. Tempting? Take the deal. After the next financial crash the price of this can will be $40. Far better than blood diamonds, no? :) 

Cato, The Sundries Bandit

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#6) On July 26, 2010 at 2:34 PM, 4everlost (29.38) wrote:

I'm not sure what inspired the idea behind your post but I want some of it!  Rec #14.

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#7) On July 26, 2010 at 2:55 PM, catoismymotor (34.75) wrote:

#6 - I had not blogged in a month. It was some pent up silliness combined with a dash of irritation I was experiencing due to some gold haters.

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#8) On July 26, 2010 at 3:09 PM, leohaas (32.74) wrote:

Gold is not worthless! I just checked (7/26, 3pm EDT), and it is $1181 an ounce.

I'm not so sure your soup thievery will be profitable. Isn't the dollar going to be worthless after the next financial crash? More importantly, even stuff in cans eventually goes off...

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#9) On July 26, 2010 at 3:34 PM, catoismymotor (34.75) wrote:

#9 - Soup never goes bad in a can! Or in Lipton pouches, for that matter. Since you disagree with me there will be NO SOUP FOR YOU. Bang on the door of my soup safe all you want. I will not hear you. :)

All kidding aside I normally think it is humorous that there are people out there that really think it is stupid to have gold, or any precious metal, in a portfolio. Recently two blogs  got under my skin. I think on some level they were the ones that broke the camels back.

Gold is just part of an investment strategy. It's not like casting Will Ferrell in the role of Rhet Butler in the Gone With The Wind remake; laughable.

To make gold part of your portfolio is no different than doing the same with leviathan-sized companies that have no room to really grow and give a small yield, or buying bonds. If you have a strategy and gold, bonds or Giganto, Inc. fits your needs then buy it. Don't make fun of those that have a different idea of what to do with their money. It takes dif'rent strokes for dif'rent folks. That's what I am talkin' 'bout, Willis!

 

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#10) On July 26, 2010 at 3:51 PM, outoffocus (22.85) wrote:

To make gold part of your portfolio is no different than doing the same with leviathan-sized companies that have no room to really grow and give a small yield, or buying bonds. If you have a strategy and gold, bonds or Giganto, Inc. fits your needs then buy it. Don't make fun of those that have a different idea of what to do with their money. It takes dif'rent strokes for dif'rent folks. That's what I am talkin' 'bout, Willis!

Well said (especially the last part)

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#11) On July 26, 2010 at 3:52 PM, lemoneater (78.93) wrote:

MSG is probably a government plot since it causes insomnia in a small percentage of the population.

Chicken Corn Chowder--some food even sounds poetic.

If there ever is a world kudzu shortage, Greenville county can supply the need. Will kudzu ever be a traded commodity? Imagine a world where kudzu is more valued than gold.

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#12) On July 26, 2010 at 3:54 PM, WallstreetKnight (42.75) wrote:

Foolish Fool,

Forget canned goods.  My Alcohol and Honey will far outperform your canned goods.  Honey never goes bad... and aged Scotch is a delicatessen.  And don't even get me started on my collection of 05' bordeaux - the finest of the fine.

Also, Will Ferrell would make a lovely Rhet Butler.  That would be an epic comedy. 

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#13) On July 26, 2010 at 4:38 PM, outoffocus (22.85) wrote:

and aged Scotch is a delicatessen

Can it make me a sandwich? LMAO

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#14) On July 26, 2010 at 7:08 PM, djshagggyd (72.55) wrote:

Hahaha... funniest post I've read in awhile Cato!

Well done.

If these are the kind of results we can expect... I think the Foolish community would benefit greatly from irritating you on a more regular basis.

~djshagggyd 

 

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#15) On July 26, 2010 at 7:20 PM, truthisntstupid (87.24) wrote:

Lipton soup in a puch never goes bad?  Hmm.  Don't ever open a pouch of 'Spring Vegetable'...new or old...and look at it closely with a magnifying glass!  HaHa

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#16) On July 26, 2010 at 7:54 PM, silverminer (31.30) wrote:

Rec #20 from the evil Sinchimeister, who all along has merely been trying to trigger Great Depression II by simultaneously convincing all market participants to eschew all stocks for worthless gold (certainly no portfolio has room for both!!). :P  muuhahhhahaaaaah!

I don't usually show my hand in advance, but after worthless gold tanks to $35 an ounce and all my leveraged gold shorts make me a gazillionnaire, I'm going to start convincing people to buy stocks again so I can have all the cheap gold.

---------

I guess since this is my job and I have disclosure requirements, I should probably play it safe and state that the above is pure fiction and 100% in jest ...

and also that silverminer = TMFSinchiruna.

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#17) On July 26, 2010 at 7:57 PM, silverminer (31.30) wrote:

P.S.

I should have taken your approach, but instead I stayed all serious in venting my dissatisfaction with one recent post.

I am not a goldbug. I have not lost touch with reality. I am not obsessed with the metal. And yet, still, I find your comments like "like-minded lunatics" incredibly unconstructive to a mature debate about gold. Comments like that routinely make no attempt to differentiate between wholly objective and rational investors on the one hand, and some tiny fraction of gold investors that may take it to a point of obsession on the other.

After years of taking care to promote intelligent discussions of gold, only to have the discussion take two steps back from posts like this, you don't think I have cause to challenge the unconstructive labels and dismissive presumptions used to disparage gold and those who invest in it?

If a label like "divvy", as you offer up for yourself, were to carry with it even a fraction of the baggage of deeply conditioned presumptions about the person on the other end of the label that are materially more negative and ill-deserved than any such common presumptions about a dividend investor, then perhaps you would indeed raise your voice in protest. 

As you just revealed in your response, the prevailing presumption associated with the term goldbug -- which I remind you is liberally used to refer to all gold investors absent any knowledge whatsoever about the individual in question -- is that they must have a screw loose. Gold investors are routinely, grossly mischaracterized as wishing ill for the future of humanity and preparing for utter societal collapse with some kind of sick fascination. I have been investing in gold for 6 years now, and have been in contact with thousands of fellow gold investors throughout that period, and I have yet to encounter more than a handful of individuals that might actually "be" goldbugs as per the above presumptions.

And yet still, the word is tossed around as if we are all raving lunatics with no grasp of reality. That convenient, completely irrational set of assumptions, furthermore, is routinely used by those seeking to speak ill of gold as an investment in order to steer people away from the metal. {i.e., "only the tinfoil hat conspiracy nut crowd invests in gold ... and you don't want to become like them!"} 

Label, insult, and dismiss ... it's not an unfamiliar tactic ... but nor is it one befitting a community of open-minded investors seeking a free and balanced exchange of ideas.

To answer your final question... I am one sane person who is indeed insulted by the term goldbug. So seriously, show some respect.

 

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#18) On July 26, 2010 at 8:50 PM, ChrisGraley (29.75) wrote:

I've been dumping tomato soup on the market, but hoarding the cheesy goldfish.

Your tomato soup is worthless without the cheesy goldfish. 

If gold is worthless then hoard beer!

I don't know about anyone else,  but what London is letting the bullion banks get away with now is making me want to get riggweltered

I have a following on Facebook..

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#19) On July 26, 2010 at 9:28 PM, NOTvuffett (< 20) wrote:

hey catoismymotor,

I made the same joke a few days ago to a friend about buying canned goods instead of gold for the Barackolypse, lol.  Of course, that was after a few beers, so ChrisGraley is probably right about hoarding beer- I don't know about the cheesy goldfish, lol.

cato, you soup nazis will be goosestepping and feeling your oats for awhile, but it is the common man that will beat you down, lol.

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#20) On July 26, 2010 at 10:01 PM, catoismymotor (34.75) wrote:

Sinchy,

You have put in more work into your opinions than almost anyone on TMF. You were merely defending your hard earned conclusions against others that were trying to belittle your efforts. You did nothing less than a scientist would do when confronted by peers that claim his work is worthless. You owe no one an apology.

 

Cato

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#21) On July 26, 2010 at 10:04 PM, catoismymotor (34.75) wrote:

Thanks everyone for your feedback. It was fun to write this but even more fun to read your responses.

Have a good night!

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#22) On July 26, 2010 at 10:11 PM, ragedmaximus (< 20) wrote:

why not quit your job now go on welfare and stockpile twinkies they have a shelf life of 1 million years

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